Nobody really needs to hear neighbour’s bedroom antics

Q My neighbour’s always been kind and friendly to us. However, I’m developing a problem with the loud sex he has with

his girlfriend. This might be tolerable for some, but I’m a 20-year-old student living with my parents.

I have issues with anxiety, and I’ve become so sensitive to and triggered by noises from his house that I start to panic.

The last loud noise caused me to start crying, overheating and shaking. I’m feeling that I have to write this neighbour a letter about the noise. But I’m worried about how he might react and that it’d be more embarrassing. I concede that it’s difficult to regulate such activity in one’s own property, and they’re never loud late at night, but I don’t believe I can continue to sit silently through this. I know I could also discuss it with my parents (we usually don’t mention it once we realize what the sounds are), and I’d see if they might talk to him instead. But I’m more comfortable talking to the neighbour about this than to my parents. Awkward Problem

A Start with what you can do yourself, to ease the level of sound. Earplugs may help (inexpensive, easy to use as needed), as might a white noise system that masks unwelcome noise. That way, you don’t have to have any awkward conversation with your otherwise helpful neighbour.

Though I’m not blaming you for the effects of his girlfriend’s screams, the increased level of your anxiety reaction warrants talking to your doctor about it.

When you see your neighbour, ask him gently if everything’s OK because you heard screams and wondered if there’s any trouble. Lastly, there are noise bylaws. If you feel this exceeds the limits allowed, you could complain to municipal officials as “a neighbour” and request anonymity, saying you don’t want to ruin your otherwise good relationship with that neighbour.