Get legal advice on separation
Q Days ago, my husband told our two children and me that he wants a divorce. He met someone online, kept contact over three years and it’s
become serious. He plans to move to the U.S. and be with her. That’s the only information I have.
I’m flabbergasted. Neither of us has been happy for several years, but we were co-parenting together, and I thought that was enough. Apparently not for him. How do I handle this? Need Help!
A Talk to him. It may be very tough, he may insist he has nothing more to say, but that’s wrong. You need to know what he plans to do regarding the children — joint custody, having them visit him in the U.S. regularly, etc.
Don’t argue; just listen. It’s important to find out whether he’s thought this through rationally or he’s reacting to an emotional whirlwind. If he sounds vague or hesitant, ask if he’ll consider joint counselling.
If not, get legally informed. What matters immediately is knowing what responsibilities and rights you both have regarding the children.
Then choose a lawyer — not the same one as his, not a mutual friend, but someone with a reputation for getting things done in a timely way.
Then, get up-to-date on the financial situation between you two — any joint bank account, savings, assets, your home’s value, etc.
Meanwhile, keep a steady hand on your mental/emotional state. Reassure your children that they are loved by both of you. Get counselling for yourself to have professional guidance during these days leading up to negotiations. And keep close contact only with family/friends who are loving and supportive. Avoid those who just love drama and gossip. You need only trusted people who provide comfort and understanding.