ROBUST SEDAN BALANCES POSH AND POWER
The BMW 7 Series-based Alpina B7 melds hooligan-level muscle with serious luxury
OK, so it was a baseball cap and not a peak cap. And it wasn’t a conservatively cut black suit, but jeans and a poofy Eddie Bauer winter jacket. Yet there I was, the chauffeur, having instructions relayed to me from the back seat by my daughter, who in a past life must have been the Royal Duchess of Grand Fenwick.
She was in full lounge mode, her derriere cushioned by the softest of leather while her back was being massaged, listening to her own preferred country radio rather than my news station.
I looked as though I should be prowling the hardware aisle at the local Home Depot. The car, though — a very bespoke, ultra-luxurious and mondo-expensive BMW Alpina B7 Exclusive Edition — is more than suitable transport for (imaginary) members of the peerage.
This was not an interaction between dad and goofy preteen. Said daughter, who is a fullfledged, on-her-own adult and who would normally be doing the slogging through rush-hour traffic to get to work while I was still in bed, had been temporarily incapacitated by surgery on her arm. Being the dutiful father, I stepped in and offered to do the shlep while she recovered. It was purely coincidence that the B7 was the weekly set of wheels.
And what a ride! Normally, my BS meter would be buzzing wildly at any manufacturer’s news release of a car that, within a single paragraph, contains all of the following words: Limited edition, bespoke, renowned, crafted, exclusivity, unique, exceptional and luxury. Yet this full-size sedan — which comes with a $193,000 price tag and starts life as a BMW 7 Series — meets every one of those descriptors.
It is, next to the Bentley Continental GT which will set you back at least another $90,000, the most interesting combination of power and abject luxury I have sampled in a long time.
That said, my blue-collar upbringing and economic middle-class sensibilities have me struggling to maintain some measure of objectivity. It’s not the steepness of the B7 Exclusive Edition’s price — at least not initially — but trying to fathom if it truly is that much better than BMW’s own extended-wheelbase 750Li xDrive or M760i xDrive limo-like sedans.
The still pricey but much more affordable pair are not exactly deficient as quick, feature-laden and leather-lined conveyances.
First, though, what is Alpina? Based in Bavaria, Alpina is an automobile manufacturing company founded in 1965 that develops and sells high-performance versions of BMW cars.
The B7 is built on the same assembly line as BMW’s own 7 Series. Its twin-turbocharged 4.4-litre V8 is hand-assembled at Alpina’s facility before being shipped to BMW for installation, and the assembled vehicle is then sent back to Alpina for finishing touches.
Ah yes, that twin-turbo V8. In the 750Li, it produces an estimable 445 horsepower. Once Alpina plays with it, the end result is a galloping 600 Bavarian stallions. For a long (5,250 millimetres), robust (2,120 kilograms) fullsize sedan, the B7 has explosive scoot, capable of accelerating to 100 km/h from a standstill in a scant 3.7 seconds.
Interestingly, the M760Li
— for about $30,000 less — is powered by a 600-hp twin-turbo 6.6-L V12 and accelerates to 100 km/h is the same short time. Coincidence? I think not.
Yet the B7 — or, specifically, the B7 Exclusive Edition tester, of which only 21 will be for sale in Canada for 2019 — is not the same sort of high-speed express one might expect if BMW’s own in-house M division tried its hand at tuning up the car, an M7 as it were.
Yes, a prod of the gas pedal will have it doing the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs (or at least Stuttgart to Singen at 200+ km/h on the Autobahn), but it lacks the overt muscularity of an M.
It’s not that the Alpina is soft; more like it’s too refined for such hooliganism. If it weren’t for the low-profile performance tires, which provide tremendous grip but do allow things such as tar strips to be heard (though barely felt), the ride would be completely limo-like, even in Sport mode. However, in Sport mode the steering stiffens up dramatically, requiring much more upper body strength than expected to get the big beast to turn. It’s probably tuned for the B7’s reported top speed of 310 km/h, a bit excessive for this country’s highway speed limits.
Even if it’s not an M7, the Exclusive Edition has swagger.
The car is basically a badass 7 Series. Black, 21-inch Alpina Classic lightweight forged wheels complement the black kidney grills, black chrome exterior design bits and badges.
Inside, the Alpina is an embarrassment of luxury, with the finest Merino leather throughout, piano-black wood trim, ceramic controls and more modern conveniences and hedonistic touches than all but the truly spoiled can imagine.
The embossed seats, front and rear, are not only heated and cooled, but have massage functions as well. The Bowers & Wilkins sound system is superb, and the rear entertainment system has individual screens for each passenger’s private viewing. Remote control parking is standard. The list goes on.
I won’t attempt to convince you that the Alpina B7 Exclusive Edition is value for the money. Still, beyond being fast and oh so posh, it is, as its name indicates, exclusive. In a good year, Alpina builds about 1,700 cars (of all types) worldwide. Of those, approximately 400 make it to North America. Having one of 21 B7 Exclusive Editions is pretty much a cast-in-stone guarantee you won’t see another on your block, in your neighbourhood, or perhaps even your province.
For some, that’s all that matters.