A torrid love affair will end your marriage

Q I’m considering being unfaithful to my husband, though I love and respect him.

However, long before I met him, I fell in love with a famous man whom I’d occasionally see for a few stolen nights. He was married, and still is. Our “affair” has gone on sporadically for years. He’s so attractive that all he had to do is send me a message and I came running. It was easy when I was single.

Now I’m happily married. The trouble is, I still adore the other man who wants to meet again.

Both my husband and I travel for our jobs, separately. So it wouldn’t be too difficult for me to do this. I don’t want to lose my secret lover and the special feeling we have for each other. But if my husband were ever to find out, I definitely could lose him. What shall I do? Unfaithful

A There’s no choice anymore. Your affair was a star-struck flight from reality when you were single. Your secret lover didn’t care about cheating on his wife then, and still doesn’t.

But you DO care about not destroying your husband’s trust in you. If he discovers that you’re cheating with someone “famous” ( beyond his own attraction meter) and that it’s been going on for years, his pride won’t be able to take it. He’ll leave you.

Q My fiancé of 20 years and I never married. We have one child together, and I have two older ones out of the house.

My granddaughter’s living with us and I’ve been fighting to get my grandson, too.

Recently, my fiancé said that he’s “done with the bull,” after a short argument. I asked if he wanted to call it quits. He repeated that he’s “done.” Now we’re living awkwardly in the same house. I’ve been leaving all his stuff up to him to do, such as picking up his own dishes.

I’m unsure if I should let things go for a while, or end the relationship. I thought initially that he was going through a mid-life crisis, but I don’t want to raise that and get into an argument.

I do love him. He’s a won derful man, self-employed. He works extremely hard seven days a week, and I feel that’s why he’s allowed me to stay in the house. Should I just ride it out?

Stay or Leave?

A First, you need to know what “bull” he can’t handle anymore.

Maybe he can’t handle the expenses and responsibilities of supporting your adult children’s children. Whatever the reasons your grandchildren need you, and your heartfelt desire to care for them, your fiancé may just be overwhelmed.

That’s not a mid-life crisis, but rather a reality check on what’s supportive versus what’s too big a strain on him. Maybe you need to get a job, if you don’t have one, to contribute to the financial load. Maybe he needs more warm loving and companionship, in a house with two children and a third one possibly joining. But you can’t decide anything without communication, so start talking about how you care about him.

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