It’s OK to hurt after breakup

Q I’m a single father of an 11-year-old son. His mother isn’t in our life anymore.

I’ve been dating a woman fairly seriously for the past two years. We had some differences. I’m very protective of my son.

About two months ago, I felt that she was pulling away. She denied this but wasn’t always answering her phone when I called, nor returning texts in a timely way.

She gave me excuses — she wasn’t feeling well, was busy helping her parents, etc. I didn’t feel she was being honest.

Then, I heard some gossip at the club where we initially met, that she’d been seen with the tennis teacher from whom we both took lessons.

When confronted, she said she’d been taking extra lessons she forgot to mention, and that he asked her to stay late, confiding in her about a personal problem.

I drove to her house early the next morning. He was just leaving. She said he’d dropped off her racket which she’d left at the club.

It was an obvious lie, so I walked away from the relationship. But my problem is that I’m having trouble getting over her.

A Of course you’re hurt! When someone close becomes less available, offers excuses, and is dishonest and cheats, it’s a blow to pride, self-worth and your equilibrium.

It takes time to absorb the shock, and carry on with daily routines.

Distrust stays on with the pain, and that’s why it’s important for you to heal.

This woman has shaken your judgment, but that doesn’t mean you can’t move on, and eventually find someone honest and trustworthy.

Your being “very protective” of your motherless son is essential. Someone who’d blatantly lied and cheated mid-relationship is no longer a good choice as your next partner. Feedback: Regarding the woman whose boyfriend is involved with his ex-wife and a woman whose child he fathered:

Reader: “I cannot believe you didn’t say, “Run, girl, run!” He’s a player, extremely jealous and controlling. Sometimes you need to be harsher! Ellie: She states clearly that she wants to see him and feel loved by him. To you, she’s allowing herself to be emotionally abused.

For me, she’s seeking advice and knows this isn’t a good relationship as it stands.

He already agreed to see a counsellor. Often, counselling becomes the reality check that helps someone see how bad things are. The abused person then gathers strength and moves on.

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