We watched this so you won’t have to

LUCKY DAY

0 out of 5

Cast: Luke Bracey,

Nina Dobrev, Crispin Glover Director: Roger Avary Duration: 1 h 39 m This film isn’t fit for a blind dog to see. It is coarse, crude, rude and vulgar.

That’s actually a line from Dolemite Is My Name, quoting a review of the 1975 film Dolemite. It didn’t deserve that level of condemnation. Lucky Day does. Coarse, crude, rude and vulgar? It is all those things, and less.

The film’s writer and director is Roger Avary, whose footnote to fame is that he shared a writing credit with Quentin Tarantino on Pulp Fiction. He also spent time in prison after being charged with gross vehicular manslaughter, making him both an Oscar winner and an ex-con; not the exclusive club it used to be.

His newest project, which he wrote all by himself, stars a ragtag list of who’s-that and whereare-they-now? Luke Bracey is Red, a safecracker just released from prison whose first act of freedom is to make noisy love to his wife (Nina Dobrev); their pillow talk includes a discussion of fluids that may induce vomiting.

Red is being trailed by an assassin named Luc (Crispin Glover), a man so French his whiskey of choice is “Jacques Daniels.” There’s also a parole officer on his tail, played by Clifton Collins Jr. His character unleashes a racist tirade about 30 minutes into the story, at just about the point where I was thinking that casual sexism, gross violence and outrageous French accents were the film’s only sins.

By the time I was released after another hour that felt like a life sentence, several other misdemeanours had become apparent. They range from the specific

— the film is set in California but features the 40 km/h signs and Hasty Market corner stores more common to Hamilton,

Ont., where it was filmed — to the general; the plot is a shambles, designed not so much to tell a story as to link together scenes in which someone mutters a few choice words after being riddled with bullets and before expiring.

Just check out Dolemite Is My Name. Or just about anything else playing in a cinema, a streaming service or a basic cable channel near you. cknight@postmedia.com