Woman must get rid of stalker ASAP

QI attended a local college in 2008 and 2009 and met this cute guy. We started talking at school and then I discovered in 2009 that he had withdrawn from his program. He is now stalking me. He knows the three condos that I had moved to with my mom over the last few years.

My mother died unexpectedly last year and I’ve moved three times within the year. I’m living with my brother.

I see my stalker daily in the same area just sitting in his car watching me. He also knows where I work and that I have a dog. He told me that he liked me way back in college but I declined his offer and said that I liked him as a friend. I don’t know if he loves me or is just lusting over me.

Should I confront him or leave him alone?

Confused About Love

AStalking is not about love. It’s an obsession. And it’s potentially dangerous. If this man loves you in an emotionally healthy way, he wouldn’t follow you around for 10 years, nor watch your daily movements.

If he lusts after you, his stalking is equally worrisome. You must take action to protect yourself. Record your sightings of him over several days and all the previous places where he’d followed you, then report him as a stalker to police. In Canada, stalking is a crime called criminal harassment.

To qualify as stalking/harassment, the behaviour must give you good reason to fear for your personal safety and must have no legitimate purpose. Generally, it must happen repeatedly. However, where the behaviour’s overtly threatening, a single incident may be considered criminal harassment.

You don’t seem frightened by this man’s daily observations.

You even try to decide whether his motive is love or lust.

Watch that you aren’t building a fantasy around this man’s interest in watching you. He’s not your boyfriend.

Bring an end to his stalking before he causes you or himself great harm.

QMy brother, with whom I’ve always been close, is married to a woman who he acknowledges is selfish, spoiled and mean-spirited. They argue constantly, even in the children’s presence.

He holds a high position in her father’s very successful company. He’d love to divorce his wife but would immediately lose his job, good income, and likely have great difficulty maintaining his relationship with his two children — his wife has already threatened him with this. What should he do?

Worried Sister

AHe should be true to himself. Raising children with a wife he dislikes in a fractious household doesn’t benefit them more than divorce and joint custody.

His wealthy wife and her family cannot prevent him from the normal legal process to retain access to his children.

It’s better to become his own man again, have self-respect and hopefully a good relationship with his kids, rather than live a lie and be miserable.