Disrespect and upheaval don’t belong in relationships

Reader: I’m telling my story to help other women who end up in miserable marriages as I did for two years.

I’m Asian and had a good job in my birth country when I met a man who had been transferred there from North America. He said he fell in love with me and took me to meet his parents.

He wanted me to move with him to his home country, but I said I couldn’t unless we married. I trusted him then. Also, my sister lived in his city.

We were living in a nice house when one day I arrived home from work to find him packing all my belongings. He said I had to leave immediately because his parents were coming to stay and must not find me there.

He’d already changed, having become verbally/emotionally abusive to me.

He said they’d opposed his marrying me because I’m Asian and they believed that meant I was “a gold-digger.” So, he lied to them and hid me.

That ugly scene happened three more times. I had to stay efficient at work while in personal turmoil. I finally said, “It’s me or your parents.” He chose his parents. I divorced him.

I’m grateful to have found a wonderful second husband. We’ve been happily together for over a decade and have two children.

Ellie: You’re a courageous woman with a strong message that women mustn’t accept abuse, disrespect and repeated upheaval in their relationships.

Q I’m a male who definitely relates to the shy 38-year-old woman who’s never dated. I’m also too shy. I’ve tried dating apps/meetup.com and messaging friends of friends on social media with zero-to-moderate luck. My social circle is small, but even new friends never have anyone for me to meet.

I’ve been set up twice, it didn’t work out. My friends are unable or unwilling to accompany me as wing persons or for support.

I’m told by family and friends that I need to go out on my own.

Where can I go to find that special someone without using internet dating?

Single and Shy A Give online dating a rest since it hasn’t worked for you so far. But check out all useful information to help you overcome dating shyness, with a Google search.

Here’s what I learned doing that: Some shy guys lack social confidence due to self-perceived shortfalls regarding success, looks or sexual experience. Some of those perceptions may be due to their upbringing and contribute to shyness.

But, as one website put it, the primary source of shyness is faulty self-image, not who you are as a person. Those who say “just go out on your own” don’t get it. The key to improving your chances for dating may be to start with getting therapy to boost your self-confidence.

Learning to believe in yourself is a lifetime gift. And a great start toward your goal of future happiness.

It doesn’t matter where you start socializing. Strike up a conversation, show interest in what that person says, tell a little about yourself. It’s a start.