Reacting with open hearts, not with closed minds

About six weeks ago, for no reason in particular, I wrote on the little chalkboard I keep at home: “Only positive!”

Now I think I know why.

In her fantastic new podcast, Unlocking

Us, American shame researcher and writer extraordinaire Brené Brown spends a lot of time these days helping us find ways to get through this crisis with our mental health intact. It’s not with negative thoughts.

In her March 27 episode, she talked about the importance of flooding our public spaces with love and empathy. In challenging situations, she explained, it’s easy to slip into a mindset of fear and scarcity. But we can fight back and win.

Most of us, I’m pleased to say, are doing a fine job of it. It’s not that we’re unconcerned with what COVID-19 is doing to our lives and cherished habits, it’s that we choose to react with open hearts instead of closed minds.

“When we practise empathy with ourselves and others,” Brown said, “we create more empathy.”

You can see it every day in this town, as we go about our business without actually going anywhere.

At my workplace when someone needs more flex time than usual because of kids or anything else, others react with kindness. I’ve heard many examples of similar stories elsewhere. We offer what assistance we can, even if all we have is a sympathetic ear. We try to hold each other up.

We check in on vulnerable neighbours and bring them food or medicine. Staff at long-term care homes find ways to help residents connect with their loved ones by bringing them iPads and setting up Skype. The wonderful folks at Bruyère and iGen Ottawa have put together

We offer what assistance we can, even if all we have is a sympathetic ear.

a list of “Boredom Busters” for seniors that is free to download and use.

Restaurant owners who found themselves with surplus food cooked free meals for the hungry. Business owners are retooling their shops to crank out protective equipment, including shields for grocery store employees.

And speaking of stores, we have made drastic changes to our habits, including shopping locally more often, with disconcerting ease.

We’ve become overnight champions in the art of waiting patiently outside, two metres apart, for customers to exit so we can enter.

And we forge different kinds of connections to boot. The other day outside an LCBO outlet in Barrhaven, I had a lovely conversation with a construction worker whose wife is a nurse and whose children are suddenly a lot more helpful around the house because they, too, are trying to do their part. I’m confident he sees that as a definite plus.

When we’re getting some fresh air, we make sure we’re far enough away from each other to be safe, but have you noticed how most people now make a point of smiling at each other and saying hello before making their move? We’ve never been so polite as we have since being instructed to be rude to each other for everyone’s sake.

Even the recent bylaws prohibiting residents from lingering in parks have been more or less accepted, at least judging from the relatively small number of fines handed out.

I don’t deny the toll COVID-19 has on all of society, and in particular on the people directly affected by it; those who get sick, those whose loved ones die, those who lose their jobs or can’t see their parents.

I’m also not blind to the few “covidiots” who continue to hang out in groups or try to jump the queue outside Costco.

I am choosing instead to focus on the positive. The incredible levels of solidarity, love and empathy we are displaying towards one another.

“Every time we honour our own struggle and the struggle of others by responding with empathy, the healing that results affects all of us,” Brené Brown explained in that podcast episode I highly recommend.

Keep on keeping on, Ottawa.

Brigitte Pellerin is an Ottawa writer.