There is no point in hiding a loving adult relationship

Q My boyfriend and I have been together for 16 months. He recently retired and moved back to his hometown several months ago.

His daughter, 32 (his only child), lives with him.

We’ve decided to continue with a long-distance relationship with plans for me eventually moving to his hometown.

He hasn’t told his daughter that we’ll be taking turns travelling back and forth.

I’ve only met her once, and it went better than I thought, but in the past I’ve heard she’s been very vocal and disrespectful when talking about me.

My boyfriend keeps telling me to be patient, that he’s waiting for the right time to tell her our plans.

It’s almost like he treats me as a secret.

She has a boyfriend now and I think she should be happy for her father as he is happy for her.

I’ve always had to be put on a so-called “hold” in our relationship. We’re so in love and I don’t understand why he won’t stand up for us.

Am I His Secret?

A There’s no benefit to hiding or even downplaying a loving relationship between mature adults, due to an adult child’s non-acceptance.

Eventually, the truth will come out.

Then, the “child” either feels duped and mistrusted, or has too much power over the parent.

It’s hard enough to maintain a long-distance relationship during a pandemic.

There may be travel issues between your two hometowns. Even if they’re in the same province, social distancing issues can arise if all four of you expect to periodically share your boyfriend’s home.

Given these complications, your man needs to step up as your partner.

He needs to bring you out of the shadows, make firm plans with you, then share with his daughter the plans you two have for when the back-and-forth moves begin. All her concerns should be discussed openly with you present (and perhaps her boyfriend, as well).

ELLIE’S TIP OF THE DAY

Divorced parents must be honest and open with adult children about a serious, loving relationship.

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