Discuss drug use openly and honestly
Q
My daughter, 26, and her boyfriend of four years, moved home with us during this pandemic.
Their studio apartment’s very tiny and both are working from home, so it made sense for them to stay in our big four-bedroom house. We’re all getting along well.
Recently, the boyfriend stayed up all night, drinking, watching movies and falling asleep on the couch.
In the morning, he moved to his bedroom and my husband found a tightly rolled-up bill where he was sleeping. It had a white powdery substance on it — a sure sign of someone doing cocaine.
This young man is very entrepreneurial, educated and successful. We were shocked to see signs of both excessive drinking and drug use.
Do we confront him? Do we tell our daughter?
A big blow-up during this pandemic could be disastrous, but we’re concerned that this “great guy” may be hiding some habits from our daughter. Or perhaps she knows and looks the other way. Advice, please! Ex-Empty-Nester
A
They’re an adult couple who normally live together. Your daughter must be included in any discussion.
She may already know about his alcohol and cocaine use, and appreciate the chance to talk about it. If it’s new information, she needs to hear it.
But how do you and your husband feel about it? Would you accept that the stress of stay-home orders and worry over COVID-19 moved him to get high by himself when everyone else was asleep? Or, when living in your home, must he abide by your discouragement of “excessive” drinking and drug use?
A discussion shouldn’t create a blow-up, unless he or your daughter denies it or overreacts.
If there’s openness, you have an opportunity to show concern about him, and help him to find other ways to de-stress.
Q
My wife and I are healthy, middle aged, with no children. She’s working from home; I’ve been laid off due to COVID-19.
We live with my elderly aunt and help with her caregiving several times per week. Because that requires proximity, I’m hesitant to do grocery shopping or similar tasks to help others now. I don’t want to inadvertently bring germs home to someone so old.
I realize that everyone’s processing this experience differently, but I feel guilty, like I’m not doing enough. I read about people struggling with online schooling for children or with their own mental health.
My wife and I stepped up our charitable donations. But I’m struggling with the guilt that it seems I’ll go through this period relatively unstressed while so many others are suffering.
If you have any thoughts on ways I can be helpful to others, given the restrictions of my living situation, I’d be very grateful.
Is This Survivor’s Guilt?
A
You’re already giving immediate and necessary help, by providing your elderly aunt with caregiving and protection from the virus.
Donating to one of the many groups and agencies buying personal protective equipment (PPE) for front-line workers, or helping pay for food drop-offs for their families at home, or providing energy snacks for hospital staff, are all ways to contribute. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday.