Daughter must start acting like an adult

Q I’m a concerned mother whose single daughter, 29, is pregnant (early stage) from a former boyfriend she no longer even likes. She plans to travel the world with her baby just a few months after it’s born.

My daughter is a sweet, loving person but not very practical. She is a steady, responsible worker and has some savings, but she’ll need her maternity leave income for extras. We’re not rich parents.

She’s already told me that she’d be expecting hands-on help from her father and me, with no realization that his serious health problems will limit him from helping.

She also wants us to travel to meet her and the infant in the countries she plans to visit.

The pregnancy is still very early. I told her to have an abortion. She’s already done so with past pregnancies so she said she’ll have to think about it.

But there’s a limit on how long she can take, if she is to have a legal abortion. She’s seeing a doctor soon. Would you tell her to get an abortion?

Very Worried Mother

A The decision to have or not have an abortion is not one I’d ever advise from a column which deals with relationships, not the religious factors, medical issues nor human values that may be involved in that decision.

But there are other issues regarding your daughter’s life involved here which you, as her mother, can and should discuss with her.

One is her lack of personal responsibility regarding sex. At 29 and having already had unwanted pregnancies, she’s apparently not bothered to prevent them.

She also seems to envision an infant as a doll that she can easily transport in a backpack along with her other portable belongings.

If your daughter is as offhand, casual, impetuous and free-spirited as she sounds, she needs a lot of input from you about getting informed on infant care, necessary precautions regarding tropical diseases and travel restrictions due to the pandemic if it hasn’t been resolved.

It takes a lot more than pregnancy to be a mother. She needs to start acting like one now — by discussing her plans with her doctor, taking prenatal courses, talking to a tropical disease specialist about the advisability of taking an infant on such an international trip, and so on.

Q On a vacation last year, my husband was always eager to go to the lobby to access free Wi-Fi there.

I once caught him texting a friend’s girlfriend about what she was wearing. Confronted, he said she was talking about what she planned to wear to a wedding. We’ve been married for 30 years with three kids and five grandchildren.

I’ve caught him in a couple of lies. When confronted, he’d change his stories. He’ll go on and on … still lying, but being abrupt with me. His family is dysfunctional. Two brothers are cheaters and the sister’s husband is questionable.

Your View?

A You’ve put up with him for 30 years, and known his family’s flaws likely as long.

You mention “a couple of lies,” and his texting with a friend’s girlfriend. Annoying stuff, yes, but not affairs.

You stayed with him. Tell him his lies are foolish. But if he cheats, he’ll have to get counselling … or he must leave.

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