Wait for the `love of your life'

Q I'm 42, divorced for four years and have one child, 12.

I've dated a man, (not exclusively), who's 47 and recently expressed serious feelings for me. He wants to live together and says we should both sell our current homes and move into a house we buy and own together. This man comes from a wealthy family while my background is comfortable, but less socially connected.

A year before I accepted my first date with this man, I'd spent four months getting close with another man, my same age, who was separated with two children. He was also very different from me, but in ways that fascinated me. His parents were never rich but involved in humanitarian projects in different countries.

But he was troubled by the effect his separation had on his two sons, ages eight and 10, which I respected. We agreed to not see each other for a while.

It's during that “break” that I met the man currently pursuing me. I think I'd have a secure future with him due to the intense feelings he states.

But I also think that if this other man and I can get together eventually, it would be the love of my life.

What's the Right Choice?

A There's no guarantee of winning the prize you want just by choosing one door over another.

“Security?” Surely, you thought you had that when you were getting married to your ex-husband, only to be hurt and disappointed by him.

Real security comes from within. It's not based on the money you have for extras after paying for all necessities. It's the well-being that wraps your emotions and feeds your sense of self.

Moving in with someone you clearly don't love, based on his pressure toward shared home ownership, could well be a mistake that unsettles your child's security for a second time.

You've already made your choice — the man who “fascinates” you. You love and respect him, and want to share a life with him ... not choose dependence on someone else for potential stability. You're a woman with significant life experience and many years ahead to benefit from it. Text this man and tell him that you admire what he's doing for the sake of his children, and that you're waiting for him. ellie@thestar.ca