Work to find the best way to be together
Q I'm a 33-year-old man who started dating a woman, 30, more than a year ago.
We get along very well, share some common interests and also do our own things (I like golfing, she enjoys running).
We started living together in February just before the lockdown, because we both felt we were in love and would have a future together.
Now, there's been a surprising change in our situation. My partner has received a prestigious job offer in another part of the country. She says the position is “too important” for her to reject the offer.
My job situation is exactly what I want and enjoy, so I'm very reluctant to consider moving.
She says that her new job is a dream opportunity she can't miss seizing.
Does this mean her “love” for me was only true if and when everything was convenient? And now that it's not convenient for her to stay where we are — where she already has a job she seemed to enjoy — she can just toss our loving relationship away?
Shocked and Hurt
A You two may have got along very well when everything was clicking along smoothly. But neither of you know how to handle a challenge.
I get that she sprang this news on you suddenly and seemed already certain about moving far away. That was hurtful and unwise.
She apparently thought you might also welcome the change of scene that her new job opportunity would bring. Especially if it meant being together in a new part of the country.
But you've been settled and secure, so your first reaction is to dismiss the idea.
Here's another approach: You're both still young enough, and without children so far, to at least consider several possibilities.
1. She moves to her new job, and you visit her for extended weekends or longer.
2. She uses all opportunities for getaways to visit with you. Or you meet midway.
3. You both set a time limit on this experiment in loving one another but living apart.
Meanwhile, you need to at least look into whether, for the sake of being together, you might be able to transfer or find a new job where she'd be located.
If you still love each other, just focus on finding the best, most workable way for being together.