Obituaries are must-reads for many people
Reflections on obituaries — and what not to put in mine, please
I don't know about you, but one of my daily “must-read” habits is the obituaries section of the newspaper. Of late, that section sadly has become especially crowded, with many people succumbing to the ravages of COVID-19.
First, the old joke — if, when checking over the list of names in the obituaries section, I don't find my name included, I can start my day.
Next, again checking the list, I look for names of people I know. Having lived in one place — Montreal — for over 60 years, I often find a familiar name among the deceased.
It could be someone I have known personally — a member of an ethnic, religious or professional group I belong to. Or it could be someone in the public eye over all those years.
The deceased could be a member of my generation, or even younger.
A sad moment occurred not long ago when I saw the name of a much younger former colleague, whom I particularly liked, among the deceased. But even if I don't know the person, their obituaries make fascinating reading.
So many different life stories, condensed into a few paragraphs. First, their name, followed sometimes by letters like LLD, MD, PHD, QC, OC indicating occupation, honours or important milestones. Then their dates of birth and death — the birth date, when coinciding with my own year of birth, making an evermore frequent appearance. It is much sadder to see a very young person's name among the deceased.
After learning about the cause of death, we meet the deceased person's family, friends and helpers. Then comes the interesting part when we get to know the person and accompany them on their life's journey.
We find them emigrating from another country or starting life born here in Canada. Some had survived the Holocaust. Others escaped after a tragic turn of events in their native lands.
We read about them meeting their lifelong partners, pursuing important careers, raising families, enjoying the company of grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. Or staying single but living a full, accomplished life.
But it is descriptions of the deceased's personality and accomplishments that particularly grab my attention.
Most, of course, are praised as family-loving and kind, possessing many fine qualities such as a sense of humour, with a less-flattering word like “tough” thrown in occasionally.
Not long ago, an obituary I read topped them all. The lady in question was described as “good at everything.” Not only was she a great skier and tennis player, but also a fine gardener, bridge player, artist, book-lover, cook and a great hostess.
Reading that really made me feel inadequate, yet I imagine the deceased would gladly have approved.
Concerning obituaries, my cherished first cousin Leslie, also known as Dr. Lukacs to his devoted former pupils in Quebec high schools where he taught French, had the right idea.
He wrote his own obituary!
In it, he described himself as a “just man” and a born teacher who came to Canada as a Hungarian refugee of 1956. He wrote that he was grateful to his adoptive country and to all good and helpful Canadians till the end of his days.
He also mentioned me, his “beloved first cousin,” who would sadly miss him (true). Some friends criticized me having seen those words — but I reminded them that he wrote them himself!
While I'm not about to write my own obituary, I have one request of the person who might be charged with the task: You can say all the nice things you want about me. But please don't say I was good at gymnastics.
If you do, my esteemed physical education teacher, who gave me the worst possible grade in gymnastics in my school certificate, would surely roll over in her grave.
Obituaries make fascinating reading. So many different life stories, condensed into a few paragraphs.