Daughters need to heal emotionally

Q My friend, 55, has two daughters nearing adulthood. She's a hard-working specialist in a profession shut down by the pandemic.

It required her to be creative and purchase expensive safety equipment when we are allowed to open up again.

Now, her husband has walked out.

She doesn't know if he had/has a girlfriend, and she's too angry to care.

Her concern is more about her daughters. She's financially independent and can carry on without him.

But two young females just out of their teenage years and now choosing university studies are finding their world has turned upside down.

Why did their father leave? What was “wrong” in their parents' marriage? Was their seeming happy life just a pretence?

My friend is telling them the separation has nothing to do with anything they did or could have done.

Instead, she's stressing the message that women are only secure when they're financially independent. She says that since their father is financially successful, he could leave with no worries ... so, young women must make sure they also become successful to have that option.

Is this a good message for her daughters at this time? Concerned Friend

A Your friend isn't only a worried mother, she's also a rejected spouse who's mad as hell. Her stress on independence is a needed security blanket for her.

But her daughters need emotional comfort, not a spreadsheet of potential earnings. They need to be able to see and ask questions of their father. They need time to cry, argue, scold and be angry.

And they need counselling, soon, before they rebel against what feels like their parents' mutual idiocy in accepting this situation.

Maybe this year's studies, between the impact of both COVID-19 and personal upheaval, won't bring them their best marks.

Tell your friend it's not as important as their emotional healing, and to make that the current priority.