Family greed causes rift with friend

Q I was friends with the children and the second wife of a prominent philanthropist. Several weeks after his death, I learned that his children had emptied his charity's account, and shipped his art collection for sale overseas.

These adult children then sued to kick out their stepmother from the home where she'd lived with their father for over 25 years.

I took the stepmother's side, knowing that the father's will had allotted her rights and privileges in anticipation of his children being greedy.

The court, after a long and brutal legal battle, ruled in favour of the stepmother, who in return gave her stepchildren their late mother's memorabilia, which had been left behind in the house.

Just recently, I encountered the stepdaughter who had once been a close friend of mine, at our mutual friend's funeral. I refused to even acknowledge her. Was I being rude? Disgusted

A I get the negative sentiment you feel toward this person, yet everything you knew about the family background suggests that she and her sibling(s) had been raised as spoiled, over-indulged kids. It would seem that their behaviour as adults is no surprise. The father acknowledged this in his will, by making sure that his second wife would not be left vulnerable to losing what he intended her to have.

Given that you encountered this former close friend at a funeral, you might've taken a different approach. As in remarking about the obvious: “In the end, there's only a funeral, and how your character's described by those who knew you.”

Maybe it'd give her pause about how she treats people.

Q My husband and I talked with a couple of online therapists over two months. They call themselves therapists and mediators who help children adjust to a family split. Our children, early teens, weren't that receptive to the idea but one attended a few virtual discussions, the other only once.

I was clear with the therapists about the inevitable breakup, only wanting help with our family's approach to the split.

After a series of sessions, we were together for their final assessment: “We see no need for you to divorce.”

I walked out. What's your thought on their response? Wrong Answer

A You didn't give them time or space to explain their conclusion. Also, they didn't “get” you. But that may be because you didn't want them to, you just wanted backup help getting the kids to accept a family split.

Wherever you and your children are today, it's still up to you to try to keep the bond that shows they're loved.