Talking may not be the problem

Q My husband of more than 30 years, who I love, has many positive attributes. However, while he's always been a fast, loud talker, he's developed a habit of now speaking incessantly in conversation, seldom listening to what others are saying.

He may pose a question then tunes out, thinking his own thoughts or waiting for an opportunity to cut in. He's very accomplished so has interesting things to contribute, but often goes on and on.

While he gives a playby-play of every personal encounter, nobody wants to hear it all, but no one knows how to stop him.

Our three grown children have noticed that he's not engaged in what they're saying. He doesn't nod, ask followup questions or appear to be interested.

His own day-to-day activities seem to crowd out everything else.

I've spoken to him about this, gently, but met a lukewarm reception.

This has affected our children and their partners' relationships with him. And our relationship too, as I often don't feel listened to. What to do? Concerned and Frustrated

A Have you considered that he could be losing his hearing and not admitting it, covering up instead? If he fights you on getting a hearing test, tell him that you want him to hear how his conversation and delivery have changed and don't allow for anyone else to be heard. I recommend your asking his doctor or a psychologist (available online) if this type of change in communication reflects a particular disorder or other reason for intensified self-preoccupation. Meanwhile, urge your adult children and spouses to be forgiving. You both put up with their quirks and habits when they were young. Now, you need them to be patient.