Take time to appreciate how far you've come since breakup

Q My husband walked out on me in 2010 at a barbecue. He said he was going to the washroom, but he left.

Skip some years he married, divorced and now he's living with another woman.

I've grieved, been angry, sad, moved, got a new job, lost weight. My normal weight's back on, but I still feel completely lost, lonely and hurt.

I've tried to get myself a new life, yet I still yearn for my old life. It was 11 years ago and I still cry over the pain he caused me. My daughter has nothing to do with him. My son is still in contact.

I pray that he's hurting still, too. He has four grandchildren whom he doesn't see and knows nothing about. I have everything, so why can't I move on? Everyone thinks it gets easier with time. I beg to differ.

Can't Get Past It

A There's a time when emotional pain remains so familiar, it seems easier to accept it as part of you than to push yourself beyond the past.

The shock of how your ex-husband left you has kept you in that period of non-acceptance.

Yet you have moved on, despite your tears. Regaining your normal physical self in weight, staying connected to your adult kids, the joy of involvement with four grandchildren, are all relationships that have sustained you.

Time does heal, if you let it. Your ex has been the greater loser. He's not the man you once loved. Use the gift of time to recognize all that you've achieved without him, while he's proven himself to be a man who can never be trusted or counted on.

FEEDBACK

Regarding the young woman who lives and works in the big city and the man who lives and works in a rural area three hours away.

Reader: “I've learned that jobs don't last forever. Economy, personalities, politics, health often cause changes of employment, which can happen at ANY age.

“This story sounds like it could be a romance of opportunity AND is really only in the early stages. They should use the time and distance to really get to know each other and determine real compatibility.

“As Ellie wrote, `Three hours is a mental break from city/ work tensions when she travels to see you. And it's a cityscape tour of restaurants, theatre, etc. post-pandemic, when you visit her. People travel longer distances each weekend to spend time at their cottages.' ”