Grandparents left confused and alienated
Dear Readers: The following story highlights grandparent alienation syndrome, the scenario in which a child is programmed to reject a grandparent. As with most readers' accounts of very personal lost-relationship events, it presents only the writer's view.
Q My husband and I enjoyed a very close relationship with our adult daughter and her two children from when they were born.
As new grandparents, when our daughter returned to work after maternity leaves, we cared for her children for a varying number of days when they were preschoolers.
With the parents' agreement, I accompanied our grandson weekly to a preparation for kindergarten workshop.
We had our preschool granddaughter twice weekly when her older brother was in JK and SK. I took her to an art class, which she loved attending.
One summer when our daughter had to work for two weeks, we minded both children full time. Our daughter enrolled them in a camp to which I accompanied them.
Our involvement in the children's lives expanded as they grew older. We supervised them Mondays to Fridays, taking them to school, bringing them home for lunch and getting them again after classes.
I'm a retired 30-year elementary school teacher. I'd help the children with their homework. The parents frequently expressed their appreciation for my help and the grandchildren also told me that they liked my help.
I was shocked when my son-in-law told his wife that, I was “too hard on (our granddaughter).” Why our daughter accepted his assessment, I cannot understand. Everything blew up within a few days when I asked our grandson to correct some schoolwork.
That evening our granddaughter, age 10, telephoned to say that, “Mommy and Daddy will take us to school tomorrow and pick us up and we'll have our lunch at school.”
Five years later, we still have had no contact with our daughter nor our grandchildren who were abruptly told that they couldn't have contact with us.
We worry about these children's mental health. They've lost the support of my husband, myself, our son and our extended family members.
I've tried to apologize to no avail. We tried to keep contact with the children regarding their birthdays and Christmas, but their parents contacted the police and had us threatened with criminal harassment if we don't desist.
Devastated Grandparents
A It's hard for outsiders to understand what can lead to isolating children from grandparents who've previously been welcomed as lovingly involved.
But this story isn't uncommon. Most alienated grandparents have no idea what they've done to deserve such a heart-wrenching fate.
From our experience and that of others, a close relationship with one's adult child and grandchildren appears the trigger that causes an alienator to isolate the grandparents from the family.
Alienated Grandparents Anonymous (AGA) Canada, which was founded in 2011, is a peer-support group for grandparents and parents alienated by their children. It currently has presence in 50 states in the U.S. and 22 countries worldwide.