Show interest in potential date before talking about yourself

Q I'm a male in my late 40s, separated for almost a year (amicable split). I've forgotten how to chat and interact with women. I want to get into the dating scene and am tempted to search dating sites. My problem is what to say when asked for profile information. I don't want to come across as desperate or sad-story me.

I've chatted with some women in passing — in lineups, for example. I end up getting my tongue twisted and feel a little overwhelmed. I struggle with finding topics to chat about. I miss the “signs” or hints and especially body language. I used to have no such problems. I can chat with anybody about everyday things. I just get flustered when meeting women and forget what to do and say. Stumbling at Hello

A Many women and men alike find it initially difficult to chat socially with the opposite sex post-divorce. Some seek the help of dating coaches to assist them in writing attention-getting dating profiles.

But divorced or single, here's what works best in casual conversation with someone new:

Show initial interest by asking about them more than talking about yourself.

Example: You introduce yourself when in line for a patio table, say, and make a comment, as in, “Have you eaten here previously?” If the answer is yes, ask: “What's been your favourite dish?”

That can become, “Have you travelled in that part of the world? I'd like to hear more about it some time.” Not intrusive, just friendly and showing interest. Practice with someone trusted, such as a sister or friend. Choose a popular topic such as favourite shows/documentaries to stream. Always start with asking about the other person's choices, and some reasons why.

For your dating profile, ask both a male and female friend what they think are your appealing qualities. Don't call yourself “ordinary.” If music is your passion, mention a favourite musician and album.

Above all, choose a photo that says something about you — outside with your dog, with your tennis racket in hand or relaxed with a great book. Don't worry about getting flustered. It's only an introductory chat, not a political debate.

ELLIE'S TIP OF THE DAY

When meeting new potential dates/friends. ask about their past highlights, current interests/hopes, and listen.