Cheaters offer little respect
Q Two years ago, before the pandemic, I was dating a man who lived in another city but had to come to my city for work. We had a couple of dinners together, and the next time he was in town we had sex at his hotel. We were both in our early 40s, divorced and had children. Neither of us were thinking this would last or lead to something serious over time, or any other dreamscapes.
But I did like him and enjoyed his company. He introduced me to his closest friend who lives in my city. When with me, whether at a movie or a restaurant, he always sat close to me, squeezing my arm or my hand. He gave me a lovely feeling of being attractive and desired.
When he had to go overseas for a couple of weeks, he said he would miss talking to me as he would be very busy. When he returned, he was in town and at my door the minute I said I was home. He seemed awkward and sat apart from me. That's when I knew he hadn't travelled alone. When confronted, he admitted that he had a steady girlfriend in his city and they went on the trip together as a “vacation.” I felt like a fool.
I'm an adult and can forgive myself (and him, too, “sort of ”) for the couple of sexual encounters. But I was never a player, and I realized that he was. It felt degrading even though he assured me he liked me a lot. But he had been dishonest with me, so I ended the relationship.
About six months later he called to say one thing that has left me questioning such relationships: “We're too old to give up on being friends when we had such good times together and respect for each other.”
I've heard that he married his girlfriend. But he was alone for dinner the next time he was in my city and called me. I went to meet him, just to show I was as mature as he about “friendships.” He started playing footsie with me. I got up and left.
My question: What makes a person of good intellect and success cheat whenever there's a chance?
The “Footsie” Signal
A Some call it the “once a cheater, always a cheater” syndrome. Those who get away with it a few times start to think they'll never get caught. Or they stop caring if they're discovered as cheats because they know there are more opportunities ahead.
What's sad is the disrespect these serially unfaithful types (all genders) show to the people who truly care for them, including their spouses, partners and children.