Chatty neighbour must back off
Q I've lived in my condo for about 20 years, enjoying the privacy and anonymity of a simple nod and smile to my neighbours. I suffer from social anxiety disorder and have physical reactions when in uncomfortable situations.
Recently, a neighbour jumped over my comfort line. I believe this person is just an aggressive extrovert. But after our initial, “Hello,” the situation became a nightmare for me.
We don't have a conversation, it's more like a monologue. Whenever this person sees me, it begins.
Before I can even say that
I'm in a hurry, this person is already into many monologues.
The topics are always about everyone else in the building — people I don't know or care to know. There's never a natural break, so I'm often stuck there for long periods of time, feeling symptomatic. When this person wanted to drop off a note to me, the concierge provided the unit number. Now I'm regularly getting notes under my door. They contain things this person thinks that I “might be interested in knowing.” They appear once or twice weekly.
It's become so bad that my symptoms appear as soon as I push the elevator button. If I see that this person's in the parking lot, I drive on and wait it out. I'm frustrated that my home and my safe place have become a virtual prison. I don't want to live like this, but I don't know how to handle it.
A It's time to respond through a note to the person, using their same manner. Be direct. Say that you value your privacy and respect the same for others. For this reason, you're not interested in conversations or information about your neighbours and dislike hearing accounts about others. You have a right to choose your own comfort level over social conversations which you didn't seek. And you don't need to apologize for it. But unlike this intruder, you also don't have to be stuck in place as they drone on.
Once you send the note, you can walk away in the midst of their monologue, with a quickly expressed and audible “busy,” so you're not just being what they'll think is rude. I know that having polite relations with the concierge is important in condo living. So, I'm not advising that you complain to yours about giving out your unit number.
Nevertheless, a note to this concierge can also mention that you'd appreciate them knowing that you wish to not have your unit or phone number given out except in an emergency.