Rude comment is nothing to dwell over
Q Recently, in a busy grocery-chain store with self-service checkout stations, I noticed there was no one sanitizing the stations between shoppers.
Two employees stood by directing shoppers where to press this button or that. Neither picked up a large sanitizer bottle to spray and wipe those buttons, used by long lines of shoppers within the space of minutes.
I asked one of those workers to please spray and wipe. Another employee nearby said, within my hearing range, “Oh, here we go again!” as if I were unnecessarily bothersome. However, the person I had asked did spray and wipe where everyone's fingers touched.
I understand that some people had started believing that COVID was over, when the case numbers were down. But they have started climbing again. There are still no absolute certainties about the coronavirus, as surges still come and go.
How can we, who are cautious, deal with people who are blatantly rude and make us feel badly and even shamed? Frustrated Shopper
A It's been almost 18 months of COVID affecting us in waves. We've gone from being scared to dealing with it, feeling hopeful in spring, confident in summer and then worried again. Just when it seemed the pandemic was easing, the highly transmissible Delta variant is making many afraid not only of the virus, but also of each other.
People have different, ingrained attitudes — for example, some are more afraid of vaccinations than getting sick.
Yet so many of those getting COVID this summer have been unvaccinated. It's a hard lesson toward changing their minds, if they do. Still, we all must be respectful in our daily lives. Some people have valid health reasons why they cannot be vaccinated. If case numbers soar, there may be pressure on governments to pass emergency laws to make vaccines mandatory (except for those just mentioned). Our pandemic-era relationships are constantly being tested. You asked for sanitation help from a grocery employee, and you received it.
The negative comment from another employee was unnecessary, but so are all the overreactions we experience when unsettled or downright anxious.
Don't dwell on it.
Q I was suddenly widowed two years ago at 49 when my husband suffered a massive heart attack. He was 52. It was a terrible shock, especially for our teenage son and daughter, and my husband's parents. He was my beloved partner, a wonderful involved father, popular with his co-workers and an honourable man.
Many of our friends have encouraged me to start dating and some already have “great guys” with whom they want to set me up.
I don't want to seem ungrateful for their interest in helping me move forward, but I don't know if I'm ready to date.
Too Soon?
A You don't have to be “ready.” Instead, be honest with yourself about whether you're afraid of feeling emotions about anyone else or of being judged by some for dating again.
If you've had meaningful grief counselling, talk to that therapist to help you separate your tragic loss from fearing your future and unknown relationships.