SO­CIAL MEDIA MIS­FIT

Our Canada - - Funny Stuff - Chris Roth­well, Hamil­ton

When I said you were ob­sessed with tex­ting, you didn’t take it very well. You cried, “That’s tex­tual ha­rass­ment! I’m delet­ing you from my cell,” and as you pulled the car into the drive­way, you yelled, “TTYL!”*

When I asked you what that meant, you re­fused to say, so I asked you once again and you laughed out “IDK,”* then slammed the car door shut, sighed and walked away.

As you con­tin­ued to rant, your tone got much more bit­ter. You said I was a “media mis­fit” and a “tech­no­log­i­cal quit­ter,” and that I could no longer “like” you on Face­book or “fol­low” you on Twit­ter.

But I think you were be­ing over-re­ac­tive when you la­belled my media sta­tus “in­ac­tive,” sim­ply be­cause I’m a tad mal­adap­tive.

Is it be­cause I’m media un­der­fed, or pun­ish­ment for all those times I said “You don’t have eyes in the top of your head!”

Either way, it’s all the same: I don’t know how to “play the game,” so I’ll con­cede so­cial media shame.

Shame­ful but true, now I’m rue­ful and blue, be­cause with­out any media con­tact with you, how will I ever “like” ev­ery­thing that you do?

But alas, my dilemma is woe­fully twofold, be­cause em­i­nently in­her­ent to my sta­tus re­moval will be loss of your “likes” and sta­tus ap­proval.

And al­though that’s left me to de­spair, in a twist of fate it’s made me aware of a ques­tion for you that I dare to share.

Do you think it’s ironic that my media af­flic­tion and sub­se­quent so­cial media evic­tion were pre­cip­i­tated by your media ad­dic­tion?

I counted to my­self, that night of our drive, all of your phone dis­trac­tions and tal­lied at least five, but all I re­ally wanted was to ar­rive alive!

Now look at my “sta­tus.” I’m a so­cial media tramp, but with as­pi­ra­tions of get­ting back into your camp; how­ever un­til then, I’ll have to in­ter­act with a stamp.

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