Should I trust my cheating ex girlfriend?

QUESTION: I’ve been dating a woman for the past year and a half. She tells me often how much she loves me, we respect each other, and we have a great sex life.

We went out for a year while in university (25 years ago) and we broke up 10 or more times. She cheated on me with anyone and everyone.

Each time that I left, she’d beg for days till I took her back. When we finally split, I had to kick her out of my place.

Then, all these years later, she contacted me and we went for a beer. She said she was leaving her husband. Later, she offered to come in and the rest is history.

My rational was this: We all change and I assume she did, too.

She really pushed for this relationship and I’ve been thoroughly happy.

She left her marriage, we see each other when we can, as she lives two and a half hours away. But what’s started to make me feel uneasy is that she’s now bent on reconnecting with all the ex-flings that made that year, so long ago, hellish for me.

We’d not seen each other in over a week and the first thing that came out of her mouth is that she’s decided to see one of those ex’s.

This is a guy she used to have to flee in the night to the neighbours, for safety, and often.

Much of our conversations these days are about her former boyfriends and how good the sex was. She communicates constantly with them, and I’m left feeling unpleasant, weary, and curious about your thoughts.

Re-Play? ANSWER: An old saying worth considering: Once bitten, twice shy. Since your past relationship with this woman involves being bitten 10 times, the natural follow is this: Don’t let it happen again. Something is driving her beyond any dream of a secure and steady love.

What she seemed to have long outgrown, has taken hold of her again. These past, happy 18 months together formed a renewed honeymoon phase. That’s now over. You have every reason to be weary, plus hurt.

Still, if you’re thinking of giving her chances Nos. 11 and 12, and more, be prepared this time.

Know that it’s risky at best, and insist that she go to couples’ counselling with you, and get individual therapy for herself.

You both need to learn what makes her turn, after months of a happy re-connection, to behaving restlessly and recklessly till she sabotages the relationship yet again. Or, just send her on her pursuit of others, now. QUESTION: My friend told me that this girl liked me and I developed feelings for her. He heard it from his sister so might’ve got it wrong.

It’s hard for me to tell if someone’s flirting with me or just being really nice, like girls do sometimes.

She’s affectionate to everyone. Every time she says something really great to me, I hear her say it to someone else later. It makes me jealous. Is there any way to tell if she still does like me?

How can I stop being jealous?

Confused ANSWER: When something involves your own feelings, don’t depend on others’ rumours.

Your friend may’ve been teasing you, or testing you, because he likes you himself.

Being jealous when there’s nothing going on between you and this girl, reflects insecurity. It’s common in young people but it’s self-defeating — jealousy never makes a situation better.

Be nice to her in return. She could become a good friend. Anything more is still unknown.

QUESTION: I’ve always loved the idea of writing, but heard you don’t make much money from it.

I decided to study social work, though I want to do both. I also wanted to start a blog, but didn’t know what to write about.

I wish that you didn’t have to go school for writing.

How to Become A Writer? ANSWER: Start writing what you do know, from experiencing your family life, friendships and school experiences. For now, it’s not a job, it’s a private passion and confidence-builder.

You also need to go to school to learn more about things that interest you — whether it’s social work or any other field in which you’ll later be able to earn a living.

Once you have broader general knowledge, and specific opinions, write a blog on Facebook and try to build a following. Also send articles to newspapers, magazines, and online publications that pay.

Career-building takes time and determination, plus your dreams. TIP OF THE DAY Happy and Healthy New Year to All! Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.