Friends fighting

DEAR ELLIE: My best friend and I got into a bad fight. It started when she called my other friend some names, and I got defensive.

I criticized my best friend and she criticized me back, saying she had better friends elsewhere and didn’t need me.

Some more things went down, and we stopped talking.

Recently, I apologized, because I missed her. She continued to blame me. She really annoys me.

Eventually, we started talking again.

But we’ve had many incidents like this in the past.

Should I stay friends, or just cut of all contact?

— Too Many Fights

ANSWER: Cutting ties completely is what you do when you’re sure that a former friend is toxic to you and you won’t ever miss her again.

That’s the extreme. Before you go that far, you can try, gently, to say you don’t like fights, and should both accept that you don’t always agree on everything.

If that doesn’t work, slowly distance from her by not responding right away.

She doesn’t sound like she still fits the special label of “best” friend, since she’s outspoken in ways you don’t appreciate.

But she may be fun and good company at other times, as people with opinions are often smart and interesting.

Speak up when she cuts too close by criticizing people she knows you like.

You’ll soon know whether she can control this, or you need a break from her.

DEAR ELLIE: Recently, I had strep throat with 102.8 fever. My doctor’s note said I shouldn’t return to work until my fever passed.

My boss wanted me there the next morning. I work for a bank and didn’t want to pass my illness to my customers or coworkers.

My fiance and I considered my quitting and looking for a new job.

I believe my boss hates me. I love my job and my customers, but she’s been against me since I started here last year.

I feel they’ll fire me for not being at work, even though I was sick. Suggestions?

— Sick of It

ANSWER: You can present your doctor’s note to the bank’s human resources staff and report that your boss still asked you to work.

Or, if the personality conflict continues, get your local occupational safety and health administration involved.

Moving to another position in the bank or another branch, might resolve this issue. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice. Ellie Tesher was born in Toronto and has been working as a journalist for 25 years. She studied sociology at the University of Toronto before landing her first job at Children’s Aid as a case worker with foster children.