Sustaining our intentions for self-improvement

Happy New Year to my loving family, my caring friends and to all the wonderful parents, children and students I have been blessed to “spend time with” over the years. I am so blessed for this amazing opportunity to write and share with all of you, my journey through the Early Years, my gift and love for writing and my rewarding time spent as a Mother. I have decided to start this New Year with reflections, some words of advice and a few reminders instead of the usual question and answer format of my previous columns.

It’s that time of year again when most of us start off the year with great intentions of how we will change ourselves.

Despite our great intentions of selfimprovement they can grind to a halt because life intervenes and we cannot sustain the changes. Please do not let that put you off trying to change one or two things that might improve your relationship with your child.

I read a quote from a “Positive Thoughts” blog that I enjoy reading daily and would like to share it here with you.

“Happiness does not come out of a New Year; it comes out of men and women. Life does not change when we hang a new calendar on the wall or when the clock strikes midnight and a New Year begins. The only way to change is when we change ourselves. The source of happiness is not in events happening outside of us; the source of happiness is within us. We cannot control the outside world but we can control our own thoughts and emotions. All true happiness is an inner experience. There is a new phrase to speak to each other as we face the adventure of a New Year. . . “Happy New You!”

Many parents have said to me over the years that they wish they could change the ways that they react and respond to their children and the behaviours they experience on a daily basis, to make their lives more positive, happier and enjoyable.

I have compiled my Top 10 possible ideas, to help improve your relationship with your child. All of them are simple, borrowed from many sources and can make a difference in your parenting styles and communications.

Wouldn’t it be great if your New Year Resolutions benefited not just you but your children too?

• Remind your child regularly and often that you love them and then show it in how you treat them: they’ll believe you more if they see it in action rather than simply being told.

• Create regular routines, rhythms and transitions to your child’s day and week: young children love the predictability of it and when they know what to expect they get less anxious and grumble less.

• Remember that children’s misbehaviour is often due to their expression of their feelings, frustrations, needs and wants. Be understanding and tolerant if they are frustrated and let them know that you identify with their frustration and eventually help them learn to selfregulate.

• Help your child to recognize their feelings by labelling the feelings you think they are having. This teaches them a language that they can use in the future instead of showing their feelings by their misbehaviour and tantrums.

• Remember that you are the strongest role model for your child. Focus on “walking the walk as well as talking the talk”. Your children are watching your behaviours and will happily copy them whether they are positive or negative.

• Begin to “catch your child being great” and acknowledge the positives, especially if you feel you usually only notice them when they are “misbehaving”.

• Use “time-away” to give you or your child a chance to calm down, not as a punishment for misbehaviour. “Time out” as a punishment often leads to more “battles” and negative feelings. “Timeaway” for you, the parent/caregiver, is to breathe and reflect before response and reaction, is a very healthy and positive tool for relationships of all ages. Never underestimate your own stress in dealing with your child’s behaviour, take enough “time-away” to react calmly to them rather than responding in the heat of the moment.

I wish you all a Happy New You! Good luck on your journey through Parenthood.

“Dear Ms. Barber” is written by author and advice columnist, Brenda Fisher-Barber, Early Learning Expert with 35 years working with children of all ages and specializing in the early years. Brenda has been a Preschool Teacher, Early Childhood Education College Coordinator/Instructor, StrongStart BC Facilitator and Professional Development/Workshop Presenter. Visit www.brendafisherbarber.com for more articles and info and to connect with her.