Ex-wife troubles new one

DEAR ELLIE: I recently got married after a tumultuous four-year relationship. He was married when we met and started dating.

He’s told me that his marriage was in name only. He did get divorced.

There was reluctance on my part because of how the relationship started, but we kept coming back to each other.

We are happy. Our only fights are about his ex-wife who’s forbidden my husband from ever having me meet his children.

She believes I’m not a good person because she blames me for breaking up her family.

I do have some guilt for dating him while he was still married, but that’s in the past.

I don’t know if we should respect her wishes. And if I do, how will our lives be when the most important people in his life aren’t allowed to be in mine? — Worried New Wife ANSWER: His ex-wife is still reacting. She may become less rigid, or not.

But you have the option of not letting this ruin your marriage.

Much depends on the children’s ages. While they’re young, he can start to mention you casually, refer to some of the fun things you do together so they get interested.

If he has joint custody, he can discuss with his lawyer his rights to have the children visit in the home he shares with you.

They’ll need time to adjust to your presence (especially if their mother’s badmouthing you).

But you and he shouldn’t fight over this. He needs to fight for his children to be part of his real life, which includes you.

TIP OF THE DAY Newlyweds need to slowly work together on helping children adjust to a new person in their parent’s life.