Then he kissed me

Q-We met online, he’s younger so I thought we’d just be friends.

We met twice for a drink or coffee. On the third date, he kissed me. It was electric! He has lots of baggage — young adult kids still in school, an aging parent.

But I was happy to get together once or twice a week. After three months, he just stopped texting.

A month later, there were two meetings then he was gone again.

We re-connected after another month for over a year, but only at my house or out somewhere. I thought it was because his kids are loyal to their mother.

Now I think he was trying to reconcile with her. I’m done, it’s his third strike, that’s my rule.

But the sex and conversations were great. I can’t get him out of my head.

I’ve joined social groups, a gym, and am trying so hard to move on. —Broken-hearted

A-Say a thank-you to yourself for knowing how to count strikes and what OUT means. He was using you as ìbackup, î and probably involved with others too in the same way.

But his goal was either winning back his ex — or still staying married to her throughout his dating episodes.

Never at his house? That’s a serious red flag. Trust me, your heart would be far more ìbrokenî (it’s wounded but will heal) if you hung in and he continued his unexplained absences, distancing, then reappearances expecting you to jump for joy.

Yes, sex and conversation can be great with a practiced charmer who remains unknowable, and comes and goes at will.

You’re wise to have moved on. Believe it.

TIP OF THE DAY Someone who’s periodically gone from a relationship without explanation, has someone else waiting.

El lie Te she risa nationallysyndicated columnist based in Toronto. Email your questions to: ellie@thestar.ca.