What’s involved in listening to others?

In his book, Easier than you think, Richard Carlson tells of a time when he was having a business problem and, as he puts it, ìI was at the end of my rope trying to figure it out on my own.î

So he decided to invite a group of his friends to his home and get their wisdom on solving his problem. Each of them began to offer their ideas of a possible solution.

As he writes, ìUnfortunately, none of it was sinking in. For every piece of advice offered, I had an equally well thought out reason why that particular solution would not help me.î

After a while, a close friend of his suggested that they take a short break. This friend asked for a private consultation with Carlson. He first asked Carlson how he thought the meeting was going so far?

Carlson said he thought it was going okay, but added, ìBut I donít think we will be able to solve anything today.î† When the friend asked, ìWhy is that?î, Carlson replied, ìThe issues are far too complicated to tackle at once.î

Then the friend said, ìRichard, Iíd like to make a small suggestion that just might change your life. Itís a tiny shift really, but Iíll make the suggestion only with your permission and only if youíre really interested in hearing what it is.î

Carlson said, ìNow you really have me curious. Of course I want to hear what it is.î

So the friend said, ìAll right, Richard. From now on, when anyone here is offering a suggestion, I want you to listen to that person as if you were listening to music. Just let it in all the way. Donít offer any commentary on the suggestion, and no matter what you do, donít tell the person the idea wonít work. No interruptions whatsoever. The same holds true in your mind, within your own thinking. Just listen quietly and allow the suggestion to sink in. Donít do anything with the suggestions just yet. Allow them to percolate for a while. If a disagreeable thought enters your mind, just let it go, Agreed?î

Carlson agreed but felt embarrassed that he hadnít really been listening to the suggestions offered by his friends.

As his friend said, ìWhen you start to critique what is being said while itís being said, instead of just listening, your own biases, judgments, and ideas get in the way. They prevent you from learning anything new.î

Carlson thought he had been a fairly good listener. Instead he says, ì...that day I began to truly listen.î

I am sure many of us are limited in our ability to truly listen. I believe what Carlson learned from his friend is worth taking to heart by us. May it be so for us! Harvie Barker is a Penticton resident and writer of inspirational messages. He’s the author of the book, A Good Word in Season Volume 8, now available at the front desk of The Penticton Herald for $10 with all proceeds to local charity.