Husband was cheating all along
DEAR ELLIE: I recently accidentally discovered that my husband of six months (living together three years) has been having two sex-texting relationships.
The second one led to a physical affair for the past three years. I immediately felt horrified and sick, couldn’t eat or sleep. He’d never indicated any signs of it. He’s now told me it’s been going on since the day I moved in. He slept with one of them a month before our wedding.
These where very active sex text affairs. In one month, his texts to one woman totalled 960.
I’m sick with grief. He says he’ll stop and he’s dirty. I don’t know what to think.
— Shocked ANSWER: Run! Go get checked for sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), for a start to dealing with this deceit bomb.
Anyone who’s that adept at cheating may be hiding more sexual acts.
Then take yourself on your own to a therapist, to probe what it was you saw in him, why you married him, and whether you could ever believe a word from him again.
I didn’t suggest couples’ counselling because this man is so duplicitous he’s capable of convincing you in therapy that he’ll stop, for you.
But he’s been obsessed with having outside sexual connections all the time he had you with him.
He also has his convenient “excuse” of being “dirty” (that’s not easy to change).
He’d need to see a sex therapist for many sessions — and theirs is often the hardest therapy specialty to achieve success.
DEAR ELLIE: I love my mother-in-law. We bring our granddaughter to her home sometimes. Her mean, crabby, small-breed dog is never disciplined or left alone. I used to love this dog. BUT it frequently lunges and tries to bite our toddler who doesn’t know she mustn’t touch the dog’s toys.
MIL “forgets” or moves the toys back within reach.
The dog goes for the face, arms, and legs.
Suggesting she put the dog in a kennel or bedroom during visits was met with hostility.
I now refuse to bring our granddaughter over, as the dog cannot be trusted and I worry for my daughter’s safety.
She KNOWS this dog routinely goes after small kids, and has bitten others, but she believes our granddaughter will learn a lesson. I know it’ll cause fear of dogs, pain, and trauma. — Am I wrong? ANSWER: Protect the child. Teach her at home to avoid similar “doggie” toys. Ask a veterinarian for ideas. Dog lovers — send your suggestions! TIP OF THE DAY A cheater who’s obsessed with sex and excels at deceit, is a bad risk for ever trusting again. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.