Problem really stinks

DEAR ELLIE: I’m 33, male, single, and have noticeable body odour.

I shower twice daily, have no disease or organ dysfunction. I want to hide when I perspire. I work in a warehouse and suffer merciless teasing from co-workers. I’ve seen two doctors, but neither helped me.

I stopped eating sardines (my favourite fish) and the odour subsided a little.

I read a diet suggestion to eliminate coffee and animal foods, but after three months it’s not helping. I’m hoping readers will offer suggestions how they’ve coped with this problem or, better, ended it. — Smell Problem

ANSWER: Kudos to you for reaching out for help! Your clothing materials, personal metabolism, internal toxins, and/or garlic intake may be suspect. The search for an answer is on.

DEAR ELLIE: I felt like my 13-year marriage started our spring time.

But when we came to our new country, we had to find jobs and also take care of our young son. My husband worked full-time, and I worked from home.

We realized that going back to school might be a better option, taking turns to help each other.

We worked hard to buy our dream house while studies were postponed. With our second child’s birth, winter entered our marriage.

My husband got laid off so he could pursue his studies full-time. It was my turn to help financially with a long-hours shift job, even working weekends.

I was sleep-deprived and my health was very affected. After he started a job, I took long-distance courses, making a bigger distance between us. Our big mistake was investing so much time in children/future plans, that we became like strangers busy in different directions.

Soon I reached my life crisis. I felt close to a colleague and poured my heart out to him.

Earlier, he’d sent indirect messages about why he helped me so much. Yet I also saw the guy as deceiving me, and spreading personal things about me, some of them untrue.

I decided to work out my marriage, though the new guy still seemed mysterious to me. It was hard to push away my feelings which developed.

We didn’t date outside work, but my honour was damaged by gossip. I even had a depression.

I didn’t separate, as my husband tried so hard to save our marriage. He knows that I cannot say I love him and he’s okay with that, also for the sake of our two children.

Unfortunately, all my deep feelings are still for somebody that hurt me and had volatile moods I couldn’t rely on.

I still cry often and my heart’s still broken.

I work in a different place and I am trying to concentrate better at work.

Am I hoping in vain for another spring time in my marriage? — Wanting Renewal

ANSWER: You need to go beyond “hope,” and do the work that’s needed to repair a marriage.

It involves more than re-counting your challenges, hard work, financial stresses, etc. It requires owning what part you contributed to the distance from your husband, and the emotional affair with your colleague. The latter was workplace fantasy.

If your husband were the one who “can’t say I love you,” would you accept that? He’s been a steady partner in all the phases of your marriage which you both insisted on striving toward.

Since it was a “mistake” to put no time into your life as a couple, do so now.

Get counselling together to rebuild your relationship, and recognize what you actually accomplished together. Give “spring” another chance.

FEEDBACK Regarding the silence between two sisters (May 29):

Reader — “It happened to me too, when, influenced by other family members, I said words to my sister that I now truly regret.

“I was judging without knowing all details of the problem. Each of us had an explanation (but never expressed it).

“It was related to my choosing humbler work when I changed countries. When she arrived, she had no kids and had time to study, unlike me.

“She said some words that really hurt me, judging without knowing or taking into consideration some details about me.

“I kept all the hurts inside until all the anger came out when least expected.

“We cannot change the time backwards for doing better again, but we can forgive, change what can be changed, and restore the peace.

“I’m happy that my relationship with my sister is open again, even if we have very different opinions sometimes.”

TIP OF THE DAY Body odour is a no-joke matter to those who can’t find a solution. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.