Husband returning to controlling ways
DEAR ELLIE: Eighteen months ago, I moved our entire home out one day while my husband was at work.
The reason? Years of mental, emotional, and physical abuse.
He was also taking financial advantage of me and running me into debt.
I moved into my own house with my daughter.
He called for weeks, crying and begging me to return. I finally gave in to seeing him once only.
He’s worked his way back into my life again, and we’ve been “dating” but not living together.
Now his controlling ways have a hold on me again.
I hardly see friends or family. I’ve gained a lot of weight due to stress.
He says if I have one night out with anyone, even my mom, he’ll never see me again.
I’m scared to be alone now. I’ve lost the strength I had a year ago.
I don’t want to lose him, but feel trapped. Yet I can’t stomach the thought of him being with anyone else. — Lost
ANSWER: You’ve “lost” your resistance, but not yet yourself. You still have the smarts and the guts to write this cry for help.
Run! Get to an abused women’s shelter with your daughter, after you first make contact online from a neutral computer e.g. at a library.
They’ll connect you with legal help to assure you don’t lose your house and other assets.
They’ll find you counselling help. You’ll soon be mentally free to rebuild the confidence you had just a year ago.
This man is poisonous to you, and likely to your daughter, too. Whatever he does to ensnare you, the girl and you need to be free of his influence.
I repeat, Run! Make a safe plan and get going.
DEAR ELLIE: When I was age eight, the third oldest, my older brother babysat us three siblings while our parents went bowling.
He’d take me alone into the basement, tie me to a pole undressed, and spank me.
He’d leave me standing in the dark for an hour, warning me that if I ever told our younger siblings or our parents, the spankings would be much worse.
I’m now 54, bisexual, and can’t rid myself of this spanking fetish for which I blame him.
I have depression and suicidal feelings, but have never seen a therapist. — Need Insight
ANSWER: Your perverse brother abused you cruelly, when you were an innocent child. You must get professional help, and it is available.
I urge you to immediately call or email a confidential Distress Centre (search Google for a local one).
Experienced helpers will listen, understand your pain, and find the appropriate counselling for you.
TIP OF THE DAY Don’t let a controlling partner isolate you. Make a safe escape plan for yourself and children. Email ellie@thestar.ca.