Issue weighs heavily
DEAR ELLIE: I’m eating healthier and joined a gym. This is due to my doctor recommending that I lose weight, as I have a body mass index (BMI) of 30.2, which is considered obese (Ellie: for her height and other indices).
Two co-workers have had gastric bypass surgery as they were morbidly obese.
I’ve been supportive of them. But they’ve made comments, e.g. “You’re already skinny, why are you going to the gym?” “I hate when skinny people act like they’re fat.”
They’re aware that my doctor recommended that I lose 20 to 30 pounds.
I understand, because even after surgery and a year of exercise and healthy eating, one woman’s still over 50 pounds heavier than me.
But their passive-aggressive comments upset me.
What can I say to someone who takes it personally that I want to lose weight?
Should I ignore it? Tell them off?
I no longer talk to them about working out, but I do talk to other coworkers about healthy recipes, exercises, etc.
What’s a nice way to say that I’m taking care of my health before I need surgical intervention? — Weight Wars ANSWER: Drop any thoughts of comparisons to their overweight, you’ll only come across as mean and create true hostility.
Healthy body/healthy mind is a connection to take seriously.
You’re looking after yourself, wisely, but don’t let these digs occupy your thoughts or cause stress (which easily contributes to eating/weight issues.)
Ignore their comments, and keep away from the topic with them.
You do understand that they’re coming from envy and discomfort, so why scratch that itch?
Be kind. When you want to share recipes and tips with others, do it privately over lunch, or just not in the two critics’ presence. DEAR ELLIE: My daughter, 22, recently told me that the same-age young man she’d been seeing had physically abused/ assaulted her.
I had a panic attack, but managed to drive to the police station where she revealed all the details of what happened that night.
He’s now in jail, and will go through the criminal system.
How do I help my daughter make her hurt go away? I often find her crying in her room, and it breaks my heart. How can she survive this and be the young happy girl she once was?
I also cannot help blaming myself… how did I not notice this or see it sooner? I feel I failed her as a mother and her protector.
I fear he’d start pursuing her again and she’d speak with him.
The authorities made it clear to both that he’s not to come near her or any places he knows she’d frequent. How do I protect her? — Heartbroken Mother
ANSWER: Many therapists and counselling agencies offer specific sexual abuse counselling and related resources which can be found online.
Your daughter, the prime victim, needs bolstering to believe it wasn’t her fault, plus confirmation for her courage in speaking out.
You need separate counselling assurance that you’re not a failed mother.
Her upbringing at home contributed to her inner strength to handle this painful event. Now your ongoing support is essential.
Falling apart with sorrow and self-blame is an especially wrong message for her at this time.
Reader’s Commentary On one more option for the man with humiliating body odour:
“In 2005, I was told by someone I could no longer go somewhere because people couldn’t stand the smell of me.
“I went to see my family doctor who was a holistic type.
He immediately tested me for a zinc deficiency .... and “Bingo.”
“I started on a daily supplement regime of zinc (bisglycinate 155mg), as well as copper (bisglycinate 2mg) because zinc will deplete your body’s supply of copper if you don’t), and have done so ever since.
“My body odor problem went away and never returned.”
Ellie – I remind readers that even with suggestions of over-the-counter supplements, it’s important to first see a physician in case there are other medically-based causes for body odour.
It’s equally important to be clinically tested for any suggested deficiency, and not rely on another person’s experience and reaction.
TIP OF THE DAY
Obesity and weight-loss are sensitive personal topics best not discussed publicly at work.