Wants to be only one

DEAR ELLIE: Things got romantic on our second date and we ended up sleeping together several times.

After the fifth date, she informed me that she was seeing another guy (romantically), and that she wants to be with him.

I really liked her a lot and she seemed special, so I took it hard.

I asked if she’s going to tell the other guy and she said no, so I sent him a message explaining the situation.

I though then, that if it were me, I would’ve wanted to know. I regret it now. He broke off with her. Days later we started texting and ended up together again. I was so happy with her.

However, everyone on her side warned her that I sent the message. After four weeks, he contacted her and they started texting.

She told me, and I said it shouldn’t continue. She continued anyways. Within days she said that she wants to break up with me to what I assume means going back to him. Was I wrong to send that message? Should I fight for her, or is it a lost cause?

— Another Chance?

ANSWER: A few dates does not make for a commitment. Not even if you’ve slept together.

Parents might wish this weren’t so, but it’s not uncommon for some early daters to keep up concurrent sexual relationships for a while.

You didn’t like her news, but at least she spoke up after five dates. And she’d made you no prior promises.

No, it wasn’t a good idea to notify the other guy.

He reacted, but most likely because of the shock of hearing from you, then soon got back to her.

She’s made her choice again, and it’s unwise to pursue her, or count on getting together anytime soon. I don’t know your age or previous dating-experience, but this seems a good time for you to learn from what happened.

If you want an exclusive dating relationship with someone, be upfront that it’s your goal.

Make sure you know the person well enough, i.e. beyond just a few good times together. Be committed to safe sex practices, since non-committed dating exposes both of you to the risk of STI’s (sexually transmitted infections) as well as unwanted pregnancy.

DEAR ELLIE: Years ago, you wrote about the death of your daughter’s beloved dog, Ruffles.

I had to euthanize my adorable 15-year-old shih-poo Merlin in August, and have been a wreck ever since, suffering depression. I have support from my doctors and siblings, but I wonder how long you and your daughter grieved and mourned for Ruffles?

I feel like I’ll never get over the loss of my soulmate, 24/7 companion, best friend, and “son.”

I can only look at a select few photos of him. He was friendly and cute. I was constantly stopped by people who wanted to pat him and comment on his sweetness.

I need reassurance that eventually I’ll be able to function again and think of my dog without falling to pieces.

Though I’m 60, he was my first dog and, over the last six years since my mother died, he was everything to me.

— Grieving Dog-Lover

ANSWER: I’ve asked my daughter, Lisi, to respond: Ruffles was my dog, and I miss her still, 18 years later.

She was my constant companion. Anyone who knew me, knew her.

Amusing stories regale the family, including those who never knew my scene-stealing, apricothued, rambunctious poodle.

Photos of Ruffles are up anywhere I’ve called home.

When she died, my life wasn’t conducive to a puppy, which helped me take time to heal. Emotionally, I was ready about five years later. But I’ll never forget her or stop loving her.

TIP OF THE DAY

Be upfront about wanting your relationship exclusive. Don’t take it for granted. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.