#MeToo strikes fear into every man’s heart
The #MeToo hashtag should give all men a sense of dread. Suddenly, they’re vulnerable to charges of harassment, groping, or even rape — from a time when they didn’t know any better.
No one, it would seem, is immune. Film producers, network executives, politicians, news anchors — the list keeps growing.
Perhaps we should be grateufl to Harvey Weinstein. However repugnant his treatment of women, it has made it possible for women all over the world to talk about their experiences at the hands of men (that’s both a pun and an indictment) that they have, until now, suppressed. Or repressed.
“I am a rape survivor,” a woman named Brenda wrote in an online petition. “I used to be ashamed to say those words. Not anymore. For almost 20 years, after I was gang-raped by four men, I lived in fear. In the recent past, I’ve shared my story and committed my life to fighting back.”
A professional counsellor and psychology professor told me, “I could tell within the first five minutes whether a woman had been sexually abused. A woman could function just fine, but it was always there and would be for the rest of her life.”
She herself was raped by her own psychology professor.
She recalls: “The academic world has yet to come through any serious scrutiny. You could go through all your requisite courses, pass your doctoral exams, do your research and write your dissertation… but you have to deal with professors who say ‘f--k me or I’ll vote no.’”
I can’t help wondering — now — how many women I may have inadvertently taken unwelcome liberties with. Perhaps with words. Perhaps with a stare that lingered a shade too long. Perhaps with kidding that crossed an invisible line. I was never rash enough to attempt rape — but I have to wonder now whether my adolescent explorings were as harmless as I assumed at the time.
I certainly didn’t think they were damaging, 60 years ago. But I say that from my male perspective.
During my university years, we commonly finished a date late at night by driving to the beach at Spanish Banks. “Why are we parking here?” “To watch the submarine races.” “I can’t see any submarines.” “Of course not. They’re underwater.”
Was the fondling at Spanish Banks always consensual? I realize now, much later, that I never asked. Perhaps I chose to be deliberately ignorant.
We males have for too long assumed — to put this bluntly — that women’s bodies existed for male gratification. (In many countries, that conviction still persists.) No one asked the women for permission — we just tried to get away with whatever we could get away with.
“In my youth,” a friend told me recently, “a girl’s best defense was a tight pantygirdle that couldn’t be removed without co-operation.”
In later life, she found, “Dressing modestly, avoiding booze and drugs, etc., was little protection from a grabby employer, a stalker type, or a fellow who got a kick from waving an erect penis at one. Frankly, I was very pleased to reach the age where the ‘attention’ stopped.”
The statistics say that one out of 10 women has been raped. One out of four has experienced sexual harassment. I would guess that one out of one has had to fend off attention she didn’t want, from someone she didn’t want attention from. (A clumsy sentence, but you’ll know what I mean.)
A dear friend, a competent professional by any standard, described the long-term effects of early experiences: “All of this is simply to say that I feared men — period. My whole life experience has been made difficult. I literally tremble in the presence of a large human male.”
Certainly, men are not immune to sexual assaults — but fewer than 20 per cent happen to men or boys; 80 per cent of the victims are women and girls.
That statistic prejudices a fair trial for some males. “Some women do use their sexuality as an instrument of power,” a female correspondent admitted. “The onus has been put on males to restrain their reactions to sexually provocative clothing, language, etc.”
Out of every 100 assaults, I gather, only six will be reported to police. Only half of those will result in charges; and only half of those will be prosecuted. Only one out of 100 will be convicted.
Little wonder that women have preferred to suffer in silence than to go public about sexual abuse.
Until now. The #MeToo hashtag has changed all that. Hopefully, forever.
Jim Taylor is an Okanagan Centre author and freelance journalist.