Husband will never change

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who called police on her husband but wants him back (May 9):

Reader — “She’s been carrying the household load already and should NOT take him back.

“She needs to understand that she’s capable of operating without his leeching and destructive behaviour. She should not invite the chaos and unhelpfulness back. She’s only feeling she needs him there because it’s familiar. There are many problems, and asking him to reconsider is not the solution .Even if she doesn’t ask him back, he’ll return soon enough. That’s when she’ll need to have the skills to say she’s moved on and is better off alone.”

Ellie — She wrote that she was “heartbroken,” and “not ready to say goodbye.”

He certainly demonstrated that he needs anger management.

You make good points that he may never change. I agree that she’d have to be very sure that he’s learning to re-direct his anger to positive efforts to improve their family life.

FEEDBACK Reader finds another (better) way to be married to a “slob” (May 3):

Reader: “My late husband never tidied up either, so I did it. “We complemented each other’s weak areas, making them look better, as he was just as good at coping with mine as I was with his. When he died, my father-in-law came over, and being a very neat man he tidied up all the tools.

“The basement had never been so neat, and every time I had to do laundry the evidence that I was now a young widow was there “in my face.”

“I would have given the world to have had the mess back.

“And I was never embarrassed by my husband (or his untidiness). Message to that wife who wrote you: If your friends come to see you and your husband, not your house, they will also accept him as I accepted mine.”