Coyote bound to be butt of cow joke

“Just sitting here in the ER after the coyote attack,” my brother recently texted.

“Whaat?” I replied. “Are you kidding?” “No joke.” It’s not unusual for us to hear from family and friends who find themselves in the emergency department for various ailments. After all, my husband is an ER doctor. But this was a first. Mind you, if anyone was going to get bit by a coyote, I’m not surprised it was my brother. An outdoorsman, he’s always been comfortable around wildlife, and even though he’s an engineer by profession, he’s a farmer by desire.

He and his family live on a couple of acres in the Lower Mainland. They raise chickens, cows and guinea fowl.

The turkeys are temporary, sacrificing themselves around Thanksgiving. Then there are the rabbits, a cat, and a big, old golden retriever named Bella.

Backing onto green space, the property is lovely, but the coyotes are always out there, loitering, looking for a way in. Sly and stealth, more than once they’ve slipped through the fence.

Members of the canine family, coyotes are closely related to dogs and wolves and they are clever. They know which side of the fence their organic chicken is buttered on.

One day, Bella barked out a warning: intruder! My sister-inlaw looked up to see Bailey, one of the cows, head-butt that sorry coyote clear out of the yard.

Undeterred, the coyote (or someone from his pack who didn’t get the memo) came back. With a new baby calf on the homestead, my brother has even more animals to protect. He shouted and lunged at the coyote.

Bella gave chase and the coyote headed for the fence faster than the Road Runner, but its attempt at escape failed, when it got caught between the wooden slats. Wedged in the middle, its hind end was hanging over my brother’s property line while its head was in the free and clear, on the other side.

Picturing it slowly dying on his fence (he could not bring himself to bonk it to death, say with a shovel), my brother gave it a boot in the booty. When that didn’t work, he reached out and shoved its leg, hard, hoping to send it through to the other side.

Before my brother could blink, the coyote contorted back around and bit his hand, through the fence. “Is it bad?” I asked. “It hurt like hell and it’s pretty cut up. The x-ray tech did a double take when she read my form. And the Health Authority has already phoned to set up an appointment.”

Booted by the farmer, bitten by Bella, eventually the coyote wormed its way out to freedom. But word went around the hospital about the hero who had fought it off.

Attacks are rare, but they can be dangerous. The attending physician cleaned and bandaged the wounds, but sent my brother home until the vaccination arrived from another hospital, that afternoon.

Then the doctor injected each of my brother’s wounds with rabies antibodies and administered a rabies gamma globulin shot to his leg and another rabies shot to his left arm.

Good thing my brother’s tetanus was up to date, but he did have to return for a series of three more rabies shots over the course of the next few weeks.

Any mammal can contract rabies, but in North America, the primary carriers are raccoons, skunks, bats, foxes and coyotes.

The animals are afraid of people, but if they are fed, they will lose that instinct, and that’s when the trouble starts.

Usually coyotes like to eat small mammals and rodents, like rabbits, mice, squirrels, and snakes— which I’m OK with. Those slithery things scare the bejeepers out of me.

Coyotes will even dine from the vegetarian buffet, according to okanaganvacationguide.com.

They will take down your garbage if you leave it out, and your garden isn’t off limits.

Coyotes are stalkers. They follow their prey for up to a half hour and often outrun them, apparently clocking a speed of 65 km/h while chasing their next meal.

You would think, with the deer population slightly out of hand around here, the coyotes would have their pickings, but they will attack cats and small dogs. Never feed your pets outside and be careful with things like bird feeders, which attract mice. Coyotes learn where rodents congregate.

If approached by a coyote, stand tall, and act aggressive. Shout (swear, even), wave your arms, and look mean. Show him who is boss and don’t turn and run.

Do not leave small pets or little children unattended. You may recall a recent coyote attack on a three-year old Burnaby boy who required more than 100 stitches.

Hand wrapped, my brother went right back to work, and I’m hoping the coyote went back to his pack and said, “Listen, that farm is wild. I know the chickens are scrumptious, but believe me, they’re not worth it.”

In the Okanagan, report sightings or threatening wildlife to the Conservation Officer Service at 1877-952-7277. Check out wildsafebc.com for more information.

Shannon Linden’s column runs every other Saturday. She writes magazine articles, nearly complete novels, and grocery lists. She loves to hear readers’ stories and suggestions. Email lindenshannon@me.com.