Rewards of being compassionate
Some time ago, I ran across the quotation: “It’s easy to be right; it’s much harder to be compassionate.” I was reminded of this quotation when I read a chapter from Richard Carlson’s book, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” The chapter was entitled: “Being kind or being right.”
As Carlson writes, we “are given many opportunities between being kind and being right. We have chances to point out to someone their mistakes, things they could or should have done differently, ways they can improve. We have chances to ‘correct’ people, privately as well as in front of others. What all these opportunities amount to are chances to make someone else feel bad, and yourself feel bad in the process.
However, says Carlson, “if we pay attention to the way we feel after we put someone down, we’ll notice that we feel worse than before the put-down. Our heart, the compassionate part of us, knows that it’s impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else.”
But Carlson goes on to say that we are fortunate the opposite is true. If our aim is to be compassionate toward others – to make them feel good about themselves – “we too reap the rewards of their positive feelings.”
If what others have said or done is not completely to our liking, we need to avoid the temptation to put others down. We need to accept others as they are and help create a peaceful situation.
Carlson writes about a discussion he and his wife had, about a business idea that proved to be quite successful. He referred to it as being his idea that it was successful.
As he writes, “Kris, in her usual loving manner, allowed me to have the glory.” But as he thought about it later in the day, he realized that it was clearly her idea, and not his. When he apologized about taking the credit, her response made him realize “that she cared more for my joy than she did for her own need to take credit. She said that she enjoys seeing me happy and that it doesn’t matter whose idea it was.”
Carlson concludes the chapter by saying: “In order to be a person filled with equanimity, you must choose kindness over being right, most of the time. The best place to start is with the next person you speak to.”
Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist practising out of New York City, had a quotation on the internet which I found helpful.
She said, “All we can really do is love people. We can’t change them or make them do things they’re not ready to do. But we can love them .... Sometimes it’s from afar, but we can always send love their way.” May it be so for us!
Harvie Barker is a Penticton resident and writer of inspirational messages. He’s the author of the book, A Good Word in Season Volume 8, available at the front desk of The Penticton Herald for $10 with all proceeds to local charity.