There’s no ‘I’ in eulogy

Madonna is a great entertainer, but she’s not the person you want delivering a eulogy. Social media went abuzz this week over Madonna’s tribute to the late Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Madonna began by saying Franklin changed her life, but then went into the story of her own personal journey to make it into the entertainment business.

Madonna responded to the criticism on Tuesday, saying that in presenting the night’s biggest award, she wasn’t planning on paying tribute to Franklin. And we believe her. Madonna has always been respectful of her own musical influences (Karen Carpenter was one.) When her friend Michael Jackson died, she was tremendously gracious.

Producers of the MTV Video Awards should be fired for not preparing a proper tribute to Franklin. Everybody in the industry would have loved to participate.

Madonna committed the two cardinal sins of how to deliver a eulogy, whether it’s for a friend, family member, or a respected stranger.

1. Don’t speak off-the-cuff. Write out what it is that you want to say. With a eulogy or memorial, you don’t get a second chance.

Clint Eastwood famously made a fool of himself at the 2012 Republican convention by pointing at an empty chair.

Organizers begged him to use a teleprompter, but when you’re Clint Eastwood, you’re allowed to do things your way.

Closer to home, I attended a memorial where the speaker went on for literally an hour, perhaps unaware he had lost his audience 45 minutes earlier.

By writing out a eulogy in paper form, it guarantees you will come within the allotted time.

2. With a eulogy, never use the pronoun “I.” Talk about the person’s talents, achievements, character and love of life. Never talk about yourself.

Nobody cares about Madonna’s personal journey to stardom. We do care about Franklin’s fight for civil rights, women’s issues, and her undeniable musical ability.

If you are ever are invited to eulogize, nobody wants to know about your fishing trip with Charlie or the time you both drank so much, you puked on his sister’s rhododendrons. We want to know about the person.

Meet with the family members beforehand and prepare a short biography of the deceased’s life. People will learn things they never knew. And they will enjoy it.

With eulogies, it’s about the dead, not the living.