Woman dealing with ailing family
DEAR ELLIE: My husband, our seven-year-old son, and I have lived in a quiet neighbourhood for 10 years. Last April, my mother came to live with us after losing a second leg to diabetes.
In June, my husband was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin disease (lymph system cancer).
I have the help of a personal support worker on Mondays and my in-laws on Thursdays. As a family, weíre still functioning well.
However, we live in an area of mostly seniors, who keep very neat yards. Formerly, I also took huge pride in our front yard and flower gardens while my husband maintained our backyard.
We also have a pool. Nearby neighbours benefited from fresh veggies and swims (grandchildren included).
This summer has been different. I cut the lawn as needed, but haven’t touched a flower. Our front yard isn’t immaculate, but it isn’t overgrown. We planted a smaller veggie garden (not enough to share).
Only family and close friends use our pool as I haven’t the energy to directly supervise neighbours’ children, which would be necessary.
I told my neighbours about my husband and mom. No one offered help. Over the summer, we received anonymous notes ranging from silly, to pathetic, rude, and downright mean.
The worst one says that we must hire a landscaper or move, and expresses the wish that my husband would lose his battle and die so my son and I would move.
I’ve kept most of the notes in case this should escalate. Meanwhile, everyone is kind to my face, and I’ve shown these notes to everyone who live close by. How do I get these notes to stop? I have enough on my plate and can no longer laugh this off. — Mean Street
ANSWER: Those notes may legally qualify as harassment and hate mail, should you need an official response through a lawyer or police. So, keep them all.
Meanwhile, instead of being overwhelmed by even the thought of outdoor chores, consider hiring a responsible student or healthy retiree wanting work at a basic hourly wage to keep the lawn neat. As for the vegetables and pool, you owe no one these perks now.
I suspect it may be only one or two nasty people or mean pranksters (not necessarily neighbourhood seniors) who’ve had the outrageous gall to send these notes.
But if they continue, contact your local neighbourhood association, and/or your municipal councillor to ask what initial steps can be taken to stop them.
Ellie’s Tip of the Day When a loved one’s life is failing, deal with only essential chores, at the least cost and worry, and let the authorities handle negative comments/threats.
Ellie Tesher was born in Toronto and has been working as a journalist for 25 years. She studied sociology at the University of Toronto before landing her first job at Children’s Aid as a case worker with foster children.