Coming-of-old-age novel sure to be best-selling horror story

Remember those coming-of-age novels we loved when we seniors were young readers? Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, Holden Caulfield in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye; and more recently, J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter.

We love the rite-of-passage theme. The protagonists learn growing up is not easy, but succeed in the struggle.

The genre focuses on the psychological and moral growth of the characters from youth to adulthood.

Coming-of-age writing is often set in the past and tends to emphasize internal monologue over action.

Doesn’t this bring to mind the wealth of information every senior holds from recent experience. We only have to look in the mirror to reflect on the warfare of recent years.

I think some clever senior will write about the struggle from adulthood to old age and set the literary world on fire. Childhood battles pale when compared to the loves and loss of youth, middle age and heart and lung function.

Now the reflection in the mirror is hardly recognizable, but having grown old and wise over time we see that hunched figure leaning on the sink is that adorable little girl of many years ago, minus the pigtails and freckles.

The mane of thick, lustrous hair has fallen out and the skin is the texture of a reptile. Eyebrows barely exist and lashes disappeared decades ago. Teeth and gums are a constant source of concern — will they survive another year? Is it too late to whiten? Too late to straighten?

Grooming aids for seniors are a whole new world of products and treatments.

Sit across the table from your mother and you will see the need for an app that will remove hair from noses and hairs from the chinny-chin-chin.

I can’t see the crumbs on the front of my robe but that huge whisker growing on my neck is clear as crystal.

For many seniors, the struggle to stay connected and maintain a social life are a huge factor in everyday life, which may consist of endless tests, test results and further medications and treatments. Every feeling or new sensation is yet another symptom.

Conversation at dinner has progressed from hips and knees to the Death Cafe and the choice of an urn for our final resting place.

Coming-of-age novels feature characters who attend high school proms and drive around looking for a place to park.

Coming-of-Old-Age characters have just returned from the funeral home and signed on for the full service deal of dreary hymns and biblical references.

Later today, they will phone the kids and confirm a viewing of the body before it is cremated. Do you wish to view my body or not? The answer is always, “No thanks.”

Coming of Old Age is when you tell your daughter you have just put your affairs in order, the will is sealed, and your desire for no artificial life support has been put on record.

You think your daughter’s response will be one of admiration and approval. Think again because she has just left the room.

So Coming of Old Age is all about the aging process and its toll on the body.

If youth is a struggle, old age is a massacre; try keeping up with fitness classes and outdoor activities like pickleball.

You see most seniors sitting on the sidelines with a walker or oxygen tank.

Seniors do not complain. They learned people do not honour the elderly; at best old folks are tolerated and then only if the elder is constantly smiling and supportive.

Seniors dismiss Coming of Age and the struggles of youth.

What is so hard about growing up and learning independence?

Wait until middle age and the realization every decision you made regarding relationships or career was totally wrong?

In Coming of Old Age, one reflects on the past and realizes there is not a whole lot of future to plan for.

And this brilliance comes at exactly the time decluttering is the buzzword of your awareness. Just because you have spent a lifetime trying to achieve some order from all the boxes you have stored in the crawl space forever, the trick in Old Age is to hire a professional to come in and take all the pictures off the walls.

Just now, when you finally have found space for your out-of-season clothing, you know where the turkey baster is stored in the guest room closet and have finally sorted out the last kitchen cabinet, we are advised to give all the treasures of a lifetime to charity.

Talk about a struggle, I just organized the tool box I was given by my Dad in time to realize all the screws are sized and not a hook in the house needs additional support. What next?

I think what seniors want in the Coming of Old Age of life is to age in place.

Cook when the mood strikes, dust if the surface is really bad and rake leaves when the sun is shining.

We know we are getting older. We know old age is not golden, but lead.

We know about death and we are not afraid, we are curious.

We know we are getting older when we have not only never heard of the musical guest on a given Saturday Night Live, but we have never heard of the host, either. And that’s the truth. Jeanette Dunagan has lived in Kelowna for more than 40 years. Email her at jd2399@telus.net.