Stop the gossip, stop the drama

DEAR ELLIE: My ex’s mom recently told me he was in an accident. I reached out to him and he was angry that his mom told me.

He’s too much to handle. But meantime, he told his guy friend everything I’d said during that call, about my friend.

I think he did it to destroy my friendship. His friend (who’s her ex) told her, she said I’m a backstabber, but I was just venting to my ex so he could advise me what to do about her.

She’s very stubborn, blames everyone for her wrongs, thinks her adoptive parents are against her (I disagree), and she constantly drinks too much. Also, her ex cheated on her behind her back and he uses her.

I want to move on from this, but I have a guilty conscious and know I need to do something, but I donít know what. Friendship Drama

ANSWER: Start trusting only yourself, by not gossiping about others. In a circle of friends who know each other, every drama gets blown up and shared further. The person who started it by revealing private information is the one blamed.

Meanwhile, the good intent you felt you had — wanting to help this girlfriend — just spread her troubles out for everyone to see, as the talk bounced to everyone who knows her.

If it also got circulated on social media — her excess drinking, job loss, depression — these are labels she has to live with among everyone who knows her. Apologize, fast. Stop the disclaiming about only wanting to help, just say youíre so terribly sorry, it won’t ever happen again, and if she can ever forgive you, you’ll be the good friend that you intended to be.

Ellie Tesher was born in Toronto and has been working as a journalist for 25 years.