Big wedding announcement plans ruined by COVID-19

QUESTION: We met two years ago when he was embroiled in a messy divorce. Yet I knew early on that I’d marry him.

We even planned a pre-wedding celebration to announce our intent to friends and family. But COVID19 had other plans.

I’m 38, have a great job, never married (by choice), dated a lot. I moved in with him (and his five-yearold son of whom he shares custody with his ex).

My fiancee loves kids, and we wanted to have a child together. I hoped we’d be married before I got pregnant.

We booked a favourite restaurant months ago for the event that would make our intentions public.

Meanwhile, he’d been having setbacks in his divorce case.

Now, everything’s been changed by the virus pandemic.

Our festive event is cancelled, and the courts are behind in cases.

We have no idea when he’ll be free for us to get legally married. I’m disappointed but this is definite: We’re both fully committed to staying together.

And I’m pregnant.

— Keeping Score

ANSWER: Throw away your score card, you’re the lucky one. All you’ve suffered from COVID-19 is a minor setback to your plans, especially since you have the joy you so desired of getting pregnant.

While 277,485 people globally had died from the coronavirus COVID-19 outbreak (at the time of my writing this), stealing breath from the most vulnerable and health-compromised, for countless others it’s created fear, isolation and financial hardship.

Yet some lucky others have only been touched on the peripheries of daily life.

If you’re working and earning a decent living, have a companion, partner or family with you and/or in close communication, you’re truly lucky.

You’re experiencing a time of history. Hopefully, it’s one which will eventually improve the future. You’ll undoubtedly tell your children all about it one day.

And you’re surviving, even thriving, in love and support.

— Lucky

QUESTION: My older sister, divorced with two daughters, had been seeing a guy for four months, and I couldn’t understand the attraction.

He’s separated, no kids. I’d met him once early on. He made no effort to talk to me, and only made silly comments to my sister.

But she seemed happy. However, she’s recently phoned me crying that he’d broken up with her.

It seems that their relationship had only involved their having sex at her place or his. Once the virus arrived, requiring social distancing, they couldn’t meet — protecting him from contamination, since her children moved between her house and their father’s.

Having to maintain the relationship through phone and online contact, he lost interest.

She kept attributing it to the stress of the times but he’s now told her that there’s no point in continuing if they still have to wait out having no physical.

What can I say to soothe her very hurt feelings of having been used just for sex?

— Sympathetic Sister

ANSWER: Let’s first define the terms: When a woman with full capacities agrees to regularly meet up with a man to have a sexual relationship, that’s consensual, not being “used.”

She could’ve/should’ve predicted the no-contact outcome herself, having known the man for several months.

If he couldn’t chat easily with her in person, email and text weren’t going to make him a great conversationalist.

While phone sex may satisfy some couples who are distanced, these two had never established a couple’s relationship sharing interests and inner feelings.

Tell her to consider that, dry her tears and move on.

FEEDBACK: Regarding the man who wants to be generous, but doesn’t want to volunteer and risk bringing the virus home to his elderly aunt whom he’s looking after:

Reader: Some friends and I have been making sandwiches for The Good Shepherd. We’re provided the food, condiments and baggies/plastic wrap. We make sandwiches — two or three loaves’ worth on Monday and Thursday.

They’re picked up Tuesday and Friday mornings. If he called shelters and asked for ways to help, they’d value his time.

Reader 2: I gave blood - something I could do to help someone else.

I’ll also donate to food banks that are under so much pressure.

ELLIE’S TIP OF THE DAY

COVID-19 will leave painful memories but those who are lucky can learn from its fierce lessons. Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca Follow @ellieadvice