A better way than shaking fist at God

Re: “A prayer for Haiti, sort of,” by Jim Taylor (Herald, Aug. 21).

Jim, your column doesn't live up to your track record of interesting and entertaining commentary, but I think I understand the why.

Blaming God is what I did as a 20-year old youngster when my close buddy died unexpectedly. As a non-Christian and thoughtless atheist, I still shook my fist at God every day for the pain and injustice of loss.

As an 81-year old today, I have handled the loss of my spouse three years ago differently. I had already researched other perspectives of death and calamity specifically through the 25-year research done by psychologist Michael Newton.

Being prepared with a sound philosophy did not make my current loss any less painful, but I directed my energy more wisely through the unexpected hurdles of grief while having to navigate shock, denial and anger to get to the calmer state of acceptance. We have to build life over again when older when we are often less resilient and more vulnerable.

I equate the first six months to a year after loss much like going to the dentist for a tooth removal and feeling OK while the freezing lasts a few hours afterwards. By six months of grieving we think we are finally coping and our friends think we have recovered and moved on but then we start to feel the effects of shock wear off and more profound levels of pain and conflicted emotions assail us. Our friends don’t understand this process unless they have been through this journey themselves.

At this point a grief and loss support group can be a life saver. As much as I rebelled against what I had to face, alone, hearing and sharing with other people who were struggling through the same extreme or confusing states, I know I did myself a big favour by attending a group, both face to face and online. Hope you or someone else finds this helpful.

Patricia Kristie Penticton