Confidence an attractive quality for smart women
Q. My friends say I’m too smart for most men and that’s why I have difficulty finding a relationship.
They seem to think it’s a compliment, or some kind of joke; but I find it upsetting.
I’m 31, have a terrific job in the banking industry, am very successful at it, and have maintained a few close friends. Otherwise, it’s the gym, long and hard work hours, including socializing with business clients for the bank. I’m attractive and fit, and men seem to find me interesting at first. But they don’t come back after a few dates.
I hate to think my friends are right… that men are “intimidated” by smart women.
Lonely IQ
A. Your friends are wrong. Some men are put off by women who are purposefully “intimidating” (usually to mask insecurity).
But smart, confident men like, admire and are turned on by smart, confident women.
That’s why it’s important to use your friends’ comments only to examine your own feelings about yourself when it comes to men you meet and date.
Of course, be proud of what you’ve accomplished and grateful for the opportunities you had in your education and along your career path.
Still, remember that success is built on relationships throughout life, not just through brainpower. So be sure to work on how you handle relationships in your private life, too.
Show genuine interest in others, admire their different areas of knowledge, and share your own when it’s relevant, not to impress.
Q. I recently received a call from our distraught niece, 17. She’d been staying in a neighbouring city with her sister, 30, who encouraged her to smoke pot and provided opportunities for our niece and her boyfriend to have sex (first time for both).
Our niece was contemplating moving in with this young man, as her small hometown offered no opportunities for work or further education. When this became apparent, her parents blamed our niece, and each other for allowing her to go to her sister.
Nothing was said to the older sister who appears to have Borderline Personality Disorder traits (I’m a social worker). Once a troubled teen, she’s now a wife and mother of two. The parents fear their grandchildren would be withheld if she gets angry.
We still feel she should be accountable.
Her father feels he let his girl down by allowing her there despite knowing the older sister’s antics. His wife says she’s waiting for the right moment to speak up.
Our niece is a pleasure to have here, and there’s no further sex/drug involvement. We keep her busy upgrading for college.
How can the parents call out their eldest daughter on her role in all of this?
Confronting Responsibility
A. Your social work career gives you access to enough information about suspected BPD to realize these parents are the most irresponsible here.
They should never have put their teenage daughter (who already had a boyfriend) in her sister’s care.
She has enough to try to handle raising two children. And hopefully, this episode will make her parents and her husband aware that she needs a definite diagnosis, and ongoing behaviour therapy treatment for whatever causes her so-called “antics.”
You’re doing what a good aunt does, by taking the teenager into your home and focusing on her education needs.
You can also influence her parents regarding their older daughter’s needs, which are more urgent regarding her children, than chastising her for encouraging bad choices for her sister. Q. I’m 13. For one month I’ve constantly felt a burning in my chest, rising from my stomach and causes intense pressure on my chest. After lying down I feel like vomiting.
I’ve also had an upper respiratory infection lasting three weeks — second one in two months.
It kept getting worse and one night I woke up and couldn’t breathe for three seconds. I was gasping for air. It’s better, but not the burning.
Should I be worried? What can I do to stop it? Sorry if you don’t answer stuff like this.
Very Uncomfortable
A. I can’t diagnose illness but I can read between the lines that you’re uncomfortable asking your parents to take you to a doctor. OR, there’s something else stressing you that you don’t want to reveal. For medical attention, go to a hospital clinic.
BUT, if you’re fearful from something that’s happened, call Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) immediately. Your information’s confidential and you’ll be helped.