RECORD-SETTING RUNNER IS DRINKING IT ALL IN
Mississauga, Ont.’s Lewis Kent has set a world record in the beer mile, an event that requires runners to drink a bottle of ale before each of their four laps around a track. Now that’s how you run a tab … Kent was feeling the effects of the alcohol as Tuesday’s run wore on, but he just kept chugging along … A cross-country and track athlete at Western University in London, Ont., Kent posted a time of four minutes 51.9 seconds. No, not in the event; in his post-race pee … Russia’s track and field federation has been suspended from international competition for widespread use of performance-enhancing drugs. What a bunch of dopes.
A Google self-driving car recently was pulled over for going too slowly. No, wait — that was Danica Patrick in Sunday’s NASCAR race … “Danica Patrick told USA Today she’d rather be called pretty than sexy,” wrote blogger RJ Currie. “Fair enough; at least she doesn’t have to worry about being called champion.” …
The NASCAR Sprint Cup season is to end Sunday in Homestead, Fla., where four drivers — Kyle Busch, Jeff Gordon, Kevin Harvick and Martin Truex Jr. — will battle for the title. Gordon is retiring after the season, so Greg Cote of the Miami Herald wrote a Gordon victory would constitute “a storybook ending.”
Added Cote: “Am picturing Cinderella in a flame-retardant racing suit and earplugs.”
A new art exhibit in New York City features a piece by a Boston artist done via tissue engineering. It’s a recreation of the severed ear of Vincent Van Gogh. “I’m next!” said Evander Holyfield … Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson, who gnawed on one of Holyfield’s ears, has endorsed Donald Trump in his run for president. Noted TV’s Conan O’Brien: “Tyson joins Trump’s biggest group of supporters: ‘People Who Have Been Hit in the Head a Lot.’ ”
… After Holly Holm KO’d Ronda Rousey in MMA action last Saturday, comedy writer Alex Kaseberg scribbled: “This is believed to be the biggest knockout of an attractive blond not involving Bill Cosby.”
This week’s wacky soccer story comes from England, where a Charlton fan was arrested for attempting to punch Crystal Palace’s mascot — a bald eagle named Kayla. The man claims he was egged on by Kayla’s continual beaking … Tiger Woods has agreed to assist American captain Davis Love III during the 2016 Ryder Cup. How, as the team’s social director? … Former Seattle Mariners coach Andy Van Slyke doesn’t feel much love for M’s second baseman Robinson Cano. During a chat with a St. Louis radio station, Van Slyke said Cano had a lot of faults — especially an inability to come through in the clutch. As Van Slyke put it: “He couldn’t drive home Miss Daisy if he tried.”
A new study has discovered a parasite that increases fertility in women. Researchers have given the worm the scientific name antonious cromartius … “McDonald’s is out with a new value meal called the ‘McPick 2,’ ” offered Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times. “Except in Cleveland, where it’s known as the McPick 6.” … The Browns have handed the keys to quarterback Johnny Manziel for the rest of the season. He has to have the bus pulled up to the stadium right after the game ends … Here’s Times reader Bill Littlejohn: “Quarterback Blake Bortles says that his Jacksonville Jaguars are a ‘small step’ from contending. Well, remember, it took a decade and billions of dollars for Neil Armstrong’s ‘small step.’ ”
Each week, Brad Dickson of the Omaha World-Herald compiles his Bottom 10 rankings of NCAA teams. Central Florida’s football team — which enters the weekend with an 0-10 record this season — recently topped the list. “I read that the Knights don’t know the meaning of the word ‘quit,’ ” Dickson wrote.
“So the academics stink, too.” … The last word this week goes to Stony Brook University head basketball coach Steve Pikiell, who was asked by the New York Post to assess his team entering the 2015-16 season.
Replied Pikiell: “We have good outside shooters. Unfortunately, we play our games indoors.”