Regina Leader-Post

How can anything be ‘one of the first’ when there is only one first

Word Nerd heads off on summer vacation with a final look at some language snafus

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“It takes a village,” the Word Nerd was telling me the other day. “It takes a village to screw up a perfectly good sentence.”

That’s not true, of course.

You can do it on your own. For example, you could use the cliche “it takes a village.” But with school ending for the summer, none of that matters anymore. Yes, it’s the Senior Matriculat­ion edition of the Word Nerd. (Cue tepid applause.)

Speaking of villages, the Word Nerd is not alone in his fight. In fact, many faithful readers have volunteere­d their own least favourite language snafus such as the use of “less” rather than “fewer” and “respirator­y” pronounced “respitory.”

FIRST AID

“I have noticed an overuse of the word ‘multiple’ in both spoken and printed English,” a reader comments. Too true. Why bother to count the number of anything anymore? If it’s more than one, go with multiple.

Another contributo­r contribute­d “one of the first.” How can anything be one of the first when there can be only one first? Have we learned nothing from the teachings of Ricky Bobby? If you’re not first, you’re last.

OLD, TIRED

From a hip ad agency’s job posting: “Words are your weapon of choice and you wield them expertly to slay any challenge that stands in the way. For you, the same old, tired solutions don’t cut it.” But wait. Isn’t it kind of old and tired to say things like “weapon of choice” and “don’t cut it”?

POLICE TALK, EXHIBIT A

“The Humboldt RCMP and Crime Stoppers are seeking assistance from the public in investigat­ing two UNSOLVED OCCURRENCE­S,” the Mounted Police disclosed in a news release. An unsolved occurrence? Is that, like, a mystery?

NAMES IN THE NEWS

The chef of Antler Kitchen and Bar in Toronto sat by his front window and carved into a deer carcass while vegans on the sidewalk looked on in horror. His name: Michael Hunter.

POLICE TALK, EXHIBIT B

Arrested for murder after cutting his own hand off with a mitre saw: Nicholas Butcher.

Vice-president of a small Ontario wind power company: Deb Power.

Cannabis cafe owner: Abi Roach.

“Inside the vehicle was also a .22-calibre rifle, large machete, several beebee guns and ammunition.”

AND EXHIBIT C

“Once the investigat­ion is complete, the Major Crimes Unit will meet with each of the RESPECTED families of the DECREASED to present the results of the investigat­ion. (Gratuitous Angela Lansbury reference: Decreased, She Wrote).

SUITABLE FOR FRAMING

Here’s a news release that left the house, forgot its keys, and had to go back: “We view art as a positive personal expression of a need for creative expression.” Come again?

SUITABLE FOR FARMING

“Rural farm.” Really, people?

24/7?

Local TV news promotes a story about “The 24-hour job of raising two sons.” Geez, if it took only 24 hours, anyone could do it. GLASS HOUSES, OUCH

In the Postmedia sports pages: “The law of averages were unable to catch up to the Saskatchew­an Rush on Sunday night.” The subject is singular and the verb plural, but odds are that nobody was in a rush to finish that sentence anyway.

THEATRE DRIVES ITSELF

Says the TV reporter: “Driving down Third Street in Weyburn, the Landmark Soo Theatre has been a fixture in the community.”

ICE, ICE

“We’re headed east toward Boychuck here and you can almost feel the black ice or sort of a permafrost, I guess, a thin layer of frost as you’re driving.”

WORDQUAKE

TSN reporter stands outside a hospital and calls it “The epicentre of the emotional rollercoas­ter.”

That’s it for now. The Word Nerd hopes you enjoy summer. And avoid beebee guns. They sting.

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CAM FULLER

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