If you don’t have anything good to say, write a column
This column, like far too many submissions of this ilk, is lovingly dedicated to my late, great spaniel-terrier, Peeve (1984-2001). Here, without further pause/ paws, is another treasury of pet peeves — things that are really buggin’ me ... The oft-used “I could care less.”
■ Correct phrasing: “I couldn’t care less.” (If you don’t like this item, I could care less.)
■ Taxpayers’ money being spent on former governors general or the Senate. People work so hard to earn a decent living, only to have money flushed away. Any speech that begins with
■ “On behalf of ...” It is guaranteed to be boring. I say that on behalf of anyone who has ever endured such a speech.
■ Motorists who throw cigarette butts out of the window.
■ Loud mufflers.
■ Insiderish NHL banter. Enough already!
■ Superhero movies. Enough already!
■ Too many uses of “Enough already!” Enough already!
■ Boring hockey coaches, who predominate. Listen to the interviews and weep. Everyone sounds the same. Most of the teams play the same. It’s awful.
■ On a recent sportscast, someone referred to the Los Angeles Rams’ record as “a perfect 7-and-0.” As opposed to what?
■ An “imperfect” 7-and-0? I just have to mention my all-time favourite line from a TV sportscast: “This year’s Hawaiian Open is being held in beautiful Hawaii.”
■ And now, back to the complaining ... Unfunny ads for situation comedies or concerts featuring a comedian. If even a snippet of actual humour cannot be found for promotional purposes, why watch the show or attend the concert? Comedians.
■ Whatever happened to all the one-liners? Rodney Dangerfield, we dearly miss thee. Too many of today’s alleged comedians are of the “have you ever noticed that ...” variety. They go on long spiels about certain situations until the eyes glaze over. Just tell a joke, followed by another joke.
■ More phrasing-related pettiness: How often do you hear something like “the Toronto Maple Leafs defeated the Montreal Canadiens by a score of 4-3"? The “by a score of” is completely unnecessary, much like this column. But I do encourage you to read on.
■ Overenthusiastic studio audiences at The Ellen Degeneres Show. Judging by the reaction when she is introduced, you would think that Elvis Presley and Lady Gaga had walked onto the stage, throwing around $100 bills like confetti. Calm down, people. It’s just a talk show, and they’ll do another one tomorrow.
■ Bathrooms without paper towels. Those hand-driers that blow hot air (what are they called, anyway?) are simply annoying ... much like this column. But I do encourage you to read on.
■ Needless repetition.
■The degeneration of CNN. Does anyone do anything except talk over each other and scream at one another?
■ This happens all the time on sports-talk radio: The host does a one-on-one telephone interview with an athlete or coach. When the session wraps up, the interviewee inevitably responds, “Thanks, guys.” Are these people not aware that ONE person did the interview?
■ Any “interview” that is done with someone who is standing behind a podium. Bo-ring! Needless protocol.
■ There are far too many layers to wade through in pursuit of a basic interview about a basic matter. Everything worked just fine before all the layers were added. Take it from someone who has been doing this forever.
■ The sanitization of majorjunior hockey. It used to be a big deal when the Regina Pats played the Saskatoon Blades or Moose Jaw Warriors. Now, Saskatoon or Moose Jaw is just another game on the schedule. Once-fierce rivalries are virtually dead. All the players are buddies. Nobody says anything about anybody. But the players do have a “compete level,” and that is so good to know.
■ Sports teams that don’t realize they are in the entertainment business. Create a buzz! Say something! Pro boxing, for all its faults, is well-promoted, as is the UFC. Hype it, people! Kickoffs in the NFL.
■ What is the purpose? What a complete waste of time.
■ People who complain about so-called “negative” media coverage. When the coverage is positive, nobody says a word, and reporting of that nature is conveniently forgotten. Sort of like this column. But I do encourage you to read on.
■ Gormless drivers on the Ring Road. I know I’ve mentioned this in virtually every other “pet peeves” column, but it simply gets worse.
■ Does anyone realize that the speed limit is 100 kilometres per hour? Sometimes, it seems like 100 hours per kilometre. And why, oh why, are the slowest, most-oblivious drivers always in the left-hand lane?
■ NBA players who aren’t injured, but nonetheless are given a game off in order to rest. Teams and players routinely cheat the fans, without any pushback.
■ Winter. Ugh.